When the Dreaming Ends
by Tori Masen-Cullen
Summary: For 117 nights Bella dreams of her life with Edward and writes each dream in her journal. Each dream is a chapter of TTS. The dreams stop 3 nights before she move to Forks,leaving Bella heartbroken and missing her dream love. OCC/Lemons/cullens are vamps
1. Chapter 1

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I should be working on my other stories but the plot bunnies keep hopping around in my head and their breeding like. . .well, rabbits really.**

**Anyway, I know things like this have been done before, you know "Bella knows about the Cullen's before going to Forks" But I thought I would try it from the angle that Bella wrote the Twilight Saga in her journal, from dreams, rather than someone else sending her the books.**

**Well let me know what you think.**

**All quotes from Twilight Saga in italics and property of SM. **

Chapter 1

_"Can you do it again?" he wondered._

_I grimaced, "it's very difficult."_

_He waited, his expression eager._

_"I can't keep it up if I'm even the slightest bit distracted," I warned him_

_"I'll be good," he promised._

_I pursed my lips, my eyes narrowing. Then I smiled._

_I pressed my hands to his face again, hefted the shield right out of my mind, and then started in where I'd left off - with the crystal clear memory of the first night of my new life. . .lingering on the details._

_I laughed breathlessly when his urgent kiss interrupted my efforts again._

_"Damn it," he growled, kissing hungrily down the edge of my jaw._

_"We have plenty of time to work on it," I reminded him._

_"Forever and forever and forever," her murmured._

_"That sounds exactly right to me."_

_And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever._

I placed my journal on my bedside table, buried my head in my pillow and let my sorrow consume me, my exhausted body shook with the sobs that I could no longer contain. It was three thirty in the morning and the dark shadows under my eyes and my exhaustion were testament to my lack of sleep. Almost every single night for the last three and a half months I've awoken in the middle of the night breathless and sweaty, covers tangled around my limbs and that nights dream still vividly etched in my mind. The first night I'd tried desperately to fall back to sleep, but after tossing and turning for over an hour I gave up and mindlessly pulled out my journal and wrote down my dream word for word.

A car journey through the rising heat of Phoenix. Saying goodbye to my mom at the airport. Saying hello to my dad at the other end. Another car journey - this time through the rain to my new home in Forks. My new truck. A sleepless night of wind, rain and tears. My first day at Forks High School. New friends. Five inhumanly beautiful student in the cafeteria - the Cullen's, not eating, not talking. Biology. The hostile, furious, coal black eyes of the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen. A walk to the office. An instant thrill of genuine fear.

_"Never mind then, I can see it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help,"_

Edward.

It's been one hundred and twenty days since I had picked up the phone and asked my dad, Charlie, if I could come and stay with him in the small rainy town of Forks, Washington, to finish out my high school career, while my mom goes on the road with her new husband Phil. One hundred and seventeen of those I have spent living out two years of my life every night in my sleep, each and every dream, given the gift of immortality when I put pen to paper.

_Our_ first conversation. The first time _he_ saved my life. An invitation to Seattle. My first trip in _his_ car. A trip to the beach and stories of the Cold One. Putting the pieces together. The second time _he_ saved my life. The Truth - _he_ was a vampire. Relentless questions. Billy Black. The meadow. My blood.

_"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."_

Edward.

_Our _first night together. Meeting the Cullens. Carlisle's life. Baseball. James, Laurent, Victoria. Leaving Forks, Phoenix, A phone call, A ballet studio. _His_ voice - the third time _he_ saved my life. Waking in the hospital. Prom.

_"Yes, it is enough, enough for forever."_

Edward.

My heart ached, my throat was raw, my body shook, I pulled the covers up over my head - and the tears continued.

A nightmare, I was eighteen, _he_ never would be. A party. A paper cut. An attack. Stitches. Numb. Distance. The end.

_"It will be as if I never existed."_

Edward.

I wrapped my arms around myself, in a vain attempt to keep myself together as the hole in my chest expanded painfully, the hole that had closed seventy two days ago - and the tears continued.

October. November. December. January.

_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me._

Waking up. A hole. A zombie. Port Angeles - _his voice_. Motorcycles. Jacob. _His_ house. Adrenaline - _his voice_. A date. Mono. The meadow. Laurent - _his voice_. The wolves. Victoria. Protection. A cliff - _his voice_. Drowning. A rescue. A death. Paris - _his voice_. Alice. A funeral. A call. A race. _Him_. The Volturi. Going home. The Truth.

_"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. . .And the you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."_

Edward.

A grounding. A Vote. Five yes'. One no. A broken TV. A condition. A proposal. A gasp. A lost sole, found.

_"Amazing. Carlisle was right."_

Edward.

Back to normal. Jacob. The treaty.

_"I'm here."_

Edward.

Edward.

Edward.

Where are you? I need you, I can't breath, it hurts - and the tears continued.

Jacob. A ultimatum. An acceptance. Florida. Jacob. Victoria. An apology. A hunting trip. A note.

_"I'll be back so soon you won't have time to miss me. Look after my heart — I've left it with you."_

_Edward._

A day off work. Jacob. An imprint. A flight. A kidnapping. An Escape. Jacob. A harsh word. A new bed. Rosalie. His return. A leg hitch. An intruder. Jacob. Forgiveness. A bonfire. Stories. A deadline. A kiss. A punch. A broken hand. A newborn army. Jasper. Graduation. A party. Their coming to Forks. An alliance. Training the wolves. Stay with me. A night alone. A need. A Diamond heart. A bed. A chance. A compromise. A proposal.

_"Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"_

Edward.

A Yes. A hike. A tent. A conversation. Overheard. Jacob. A kiss. I love you. A monster. Forgiveness. Victoria. A flight. An injury. Jacob. The Volturi. A decision. An Eclipse. Tears. The Meadow.

_"We're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong."_

Edward.

I love you.

Mistake, after mistake. I shuddered. I hurt him time and time again. He called me selfless, yet I was the most selfish person on earth. He thought of me constantly and I threw it back in his face at every turn. The sun was rising, my knuckles ached from the grip on my pillow, my heart still ached - and the tears continued.

Edward.

I miss you.

I'm sorry.

A new car. My missing mechanic. An engagement. Charlie. Renee. A long night. Immortal Children. The big day. Nerves. Excitement. The stairs. The Flowers. The Aisle. _Him._

_"I do."_

Edward.

A husband. A wife. A party. A dance. Jacob. A threat. A drive. A flight. Isle Esme. A midnight swim. A first time. Feathers. Bruise. _Him._

_"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster."_

Edward.

Oh, Edward.

Distraction, Eggs. A dream. A need. A new headboard. Vertigo. A green eyed boy. Too hot. A hunting trip. Chicken. Sickness. _Him._

_"Bella, what's wrong?"_

Edward.

Late. A bump. A movement. An explanation. Can vampires go into shock? A phone call. Carlisle. Suspicions Confirmed. Pregnant. A tornado. Nudger. _Him._

_"We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt and part of you. Don't be scared. I_ won't_ let it hurt you."_

Edward.

A cleaning crew. Morte. Rosalie. A flight. Protection. Arguments. Refusal. Swelling. Bruise. Jacob. An offer. A flat out refusal. Sickness. The Pack. Nudger. Sickness. Broken bones. Blood. _Him._

_"The f - It. . .The baby likes the sound of your voice."_

Edward.

More blood. A toilet break. Tearing. The pain. Ribs, pelvise, spine. . .broken. The baby. Get him out. The flight. The Blackness. _Him._

_"Renesmee."_

Edward.

Beauty. Burning. Paralysis. Holding on. Voices. Alice. _Him. _Waking up. Reflection. Red eyes. First hunt. Jacob. Imprint. Renesmee. An Attack. Gifted. Growing. Worries. Another new car. The cottage. Making love. . .all night. Travel Plans. Visions. Abandoned. Clues. Guests. J Jenks. Training. Secrets. Snow on the Grown. The camp site. The Volturi. Introductions. The shield. Excuses. Goodbyes. Attack. Defense. Surprise. Confirmation. Their return. Nahuel. Defeated. Retreat. Celebrations. cottage. Alone. _Him._

_"Forever and forever and forever."_

Edward.

Please come back.

The sun was high in the sky, I could hear my mom moving around, I knew I had to get up, I had a plane to catch. But I couldn't, because my heart still ached, the hole was still throbbing, my knuckles were white and stiff, my body still shook - and the tears continued.

He was gone.

Edward.

It's been three nights.

Edward.

The dreams had stopped.

Edward.

And I some how knew that this time, he wouldn't be back.

Edward.

All I had left of _him_, were the over read words on the tattered pages of my journal.

Edward.

And the empty hole in my heart where _he _should be.

Edward.

But I was alone.

Edward.

He isn't real.

Edward

A dream.

Edward

Gone.

_"Forever and forever and forever."_

Edward.

I love you.

I miss you.

I need you.

Come back.

Edward.

Please.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

More than once in the last three months, I've questioned whether going to live in Forks was the right thing to do. Never more so than in the last three days. Normally once I've made a decision, I stick to it. It's making the decision in the first place that I struggle with. But things have changed over the last three months, I've changed.

Dreaming the way I have been isn't normal, I know that, but they were so vivid, so clear, so detailed, that it was like reading my own life story. I've gone back over the details in my journal more times that I can count in the last three months, and looking at yourself that closely, it would be next to impossible not to see your own flaws.

If I wasn't so judgemental, could I have been a better friend? If I wasn't so ungrateful, could I have been a better daughter? If I wasn't so stubborn, would I be such a magnet for danger? If I wasn't so insecure, would _he_ still have left me? If I wasn't so selfish, could I have saved my loved ones a world of pain?

I would never get the answer to these questions where _he_ was concerned, but I could where my dad was, and if I had learnt anything during this time, it was just how much I loved and missed my dad and how I have treated him so poorly over the years.

So regardless of the doubts about how I will cope being in Forks without _him_ and the rest of my family. Despite the heartache, the hole in my chest, the sleepless nights, the grief, the memories, the loneliness. I _would_ be a better person, I would be a good daughter, I would make friends, I would spend time with and care for Charlie, because he's my dad, and I love him.

Did I ever wonder if my dreams were some kind of premonition, and that when I walked into the cafeteria on Monday lunch time the five Cullen siblings would be sitting at that one table in the corner of the room, far enough away from everyone, with their trays of untouched food? Of course, who wouldn't?

Did I google vampires, werewolves, shape-shifters or even Volterra, Italy – a place I'd never heard of before? Or call and ask my dad if he knew the Blacks or the Cullens?

No, I didn't.

Why?

Because I was afraid.

Not of receiving confirmation that Forks was teaming with deadly mythical beings, but of hearing that it wasn't, that Charlie had never heard of them. I'd somehow lost myself between memories and dreams of memories. Did I really know Jacob and Billy Black from when I was a kid or is that just a memory from my dreams?

Either way, D-day was has here, my flight to Seattle was leaving at eleven thirty this morning, with an hour lay over at Sea Tac and another hour flight from there to Port Angeles, I'd be with me dad in. . .I wiped the remainder of my tears away, reluctantly pulled the cover off my head, squinting as the bright Phoenix sunshine hit my sore, tired eyes, and glanced at the digital clock beside my bed – seven twenty two. So I'd be with my dad in about ten hours and I was determined to hide my pain and grief from him, without allowing my pseudo optimism to blossom into hope.

I was swirling with that many different emotions, I'd give poor Jasper a permanent headache. I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat, pushing that thought away before it tore another hole in my heart. It hurt too much to think about them, and thought of _him_ were simply crippling. I'd let my thoughts loose last night, and I had paid for it.

To avoid pulling the covers back over my head and letting the misery consume me again, I dragged my tired aching body out of bed and stumbled out of my room and into the bathroom across the hall.

More then once that morning I suffered server cases of daja vu, from the heat filled car ride to my mom's tearful goodbye at the airport. And as I sat cramped up in the ridged seat in coach class on my flight from Phoenix to Seattle, missing the luxury of the first class seats provided by him and his shiny black credit card, I wished that I could have access to my first completed dream journal so that I could put my suspicions to rest one way or the other. The whole morning felt eerily like my dream.

As I pulled my suitcase through the crowd at Port Angeles airport, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this part of my dream would be rendered null and void. The awkward greeting that had taken place between Charlie and me had no place in my reality. I had no doubt in my mind that had the dreams not taken place, Charlie and I would have cautiously eyed each other, mumbled a few words and spent the rest of the hours drive to Forks in near silence. But as I spotted my dad, uniform and all, waiting anxiously for me to arrive, looking exactly like my dream, I couldn't help myself. I dropped my bag fifteen feet away from him and ran straight into his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. It took him a second or two to respond, but I soon found myself wrapped up in his embrace, and I could do nothing to stop my tears from falling.

"Well, this is a nice surprise, it's good to see you too, kiddo," he murmured into my hair, where I felt his lips press down in a quick kiss. I sniffled and pulled my head back to look up at him, but didn't release my arms from around his waist.

"I've missed you, and it's so great to be home," I told him, smiling through my tears. And it was true, even though _he_ wouldn't be here, I somehow felt closer to him, like the hole in my chest was that little bit smaller.

"I've missed you too, Bells," he said as he wiped my tears away with the pad's of his thumbs, "But we need to get your bags before someone fall's over them," he laughed, his own eyes shining with unshed tears.

It wasn't hard to detect the surprise and delight in Charlie's eyes, I had never hidden my distaste for Forks, and from the age of fourteen, I had demanded that my dad visit me, to save myself from trudging through the cold, wet atmosphere in the town of my birth.

Collecting my discarded suitcase in one hand, Charlie surprised me by taking my hand in his free one and led me out into the rain. I smiled as I felt the small droplets patter against my skin, and breathed in the cool fresh air. I had missed this in the last three nights, having gotten used to the feel and the smell and the taste, each night in my sleep.

Charlie led me to the cruiser with a sheepish apologetic grin and released my hand so that he could place my bags in the trunk.

"Can I play with the all the buttons, daddy, pleeease?" I asked in the cutest voice I could muster as Charlie slid into the car next to me. He laughed shaking his head.

"Sure, Kiddo, knock yourself out," I squealed and clapped my hands like a little girl. . .or Alice. No don't go there now.

I obviously had no intention of touching anything, but it broke the awkwardness that Charlie was suddenly feeling about driving me round in the cruiser. A quick glance at each other had us shacking with laughter. It felt good to laugh.

"So how's Renee?" he asked as we pulled out into the traffic.

"She's good, just packing stuff up ya know, getting ready to go on the road. How are things in Forks? Is there anything I should be aware of, kids to avoid that kind of thing?" Yeah I was fishing.

"No, not really, towns too small for trouble, and I do a good job, ya know!" he laughed, "But while we're on the subject, I've got you a surprise, a welcome home gift, if you like" My heart was hammering in my chest and my palms were suddenly sweaty.

"A surprise?" I asked, looking over at Charlie _please be my truck, please be my truck._

"Well, um, it's a couple of mile walk to school, and I didn't think you would want to be driven around in the cruisers, so I kind of got you a car, well a truck actually," Charlie shifted in his seat nervously and his eyes glanced in my direction, "Hey, now, if you don't like it we can always look for something together, I just thought. . .maybe I shouldn't have. . .don't cry, Bells."

I didn't realise that I was until Charlie mentioned it, but now that he had I could feel the tears running down my cheek. Could it be true? Could my dreams have been somehow based in fact? I needed more information

"No, no, dad, happy tears I promise. So what is it? Where did you get it?" I asked eagerly

"You remember Billy Black from the reservation?" he asked, having no clue what that question had just done to me. My heart stopped for a second, before taking off again double time, my breathing hitched and my hands started to shake.

"Huh huh," Was all I managed to get out.

"Well, he's in a wheel chair now so can no longer drive. His son Jacob had done quite a bit of work on their truck but as they no longer need it, I offered to take it off their hands, it old but it's in good working order," Charlie explained and I knew, I knew it was old, it would be a 1953 Chevy, that was once red, but now looked more of a burnt orange, it would smell of tobacco and peppermint, top speed fifty five miles per hour and louder than a angry grizzly bear, and I would love it.

"That sound perfect, dad, thank you, I can't wait to see it," I told him sincerely. One thing I now knew for sure was that Jake was real, whether he was the same Jake as in my dreams was yet to be seen but he _was _real. Did that prove that my dreams were premonitions or just that my planned move to Forks had awaken old memories?

"Well, now, you're welcome," he muttered, embarrassed now by my thanks.

There was one question I needed to ask and I was still working up the courage to do so. A couple of months ago, we'd got some leaflets through the door, you know, your usual ad's and take away menus, but in the middle of them all there was a leaflet on anaemia. After reading through it, my mom decided that I was suffering from it and packed me off to the doctors for blood tests. Turns out she was right, so I was now on iron supplements and I had to go get my bloods done every two weeks. So I needed to know where to go and who to see and I was both dreading asking Charlie and anticipating it at the same time.

"I don't know if mom told you, but I need to get my bloods done every couple of weeks,"

"Yeah she mentioned it, anaemia right?"

"Yep, so I need to get my last results and make an appointment for my next blood test, do you know where I need to have them done and who I need to see?" I asked quietly. I couldn't stop my eyes from closing as I tried to even out my breathing. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Well I'm sure that you can see any of the doctors at the hospital, see who you feel most comfortable with, I've always seen Dr. Gerandy, you've seen him yourself a few times over the years too," he laughed "Why don't we stop in on the way home and make you an appointment?"

"Yeah, sure," What was I hoping he would say? 'Oh, you should go see Dr Cullen, he's the best'? No, of course not, okay well maybe. My heart was now somewhere near my stomach and I realised that not only had I let myself hope, but that I was also being ridiculous.

The rest of the drive to Forks was pretty quiet, we did talk, but it was just idol chit chat about his job and my old school. I watched the familiar scenery out of the window, staring into the surrounding forest, foolishly hoping to see a blur of white shoot past.

When we pulled up into the hospital parking lot, the building was again familiar, I had seen it a few times in my dreams, but again, it proved nothing, my dad was right I had been here enough times over the years. We both climbed out of the car and made our way over to the reception desk were a lady I had never seen before, sat typing away at her computer. She looked up as she sensed our presence.

"Ah, Chief, what brings you hear?" she smiled at Charlie.

"We need to make an appointment to see Dr Gernady for Bella here to have some bloods done," he told her.

"Nice to meet you Bella, Doctor Gerandy is on holiday for the next two weeks, when do you need to see him?" she asked me.

"Oh, um, within the next week really, is there anyone else that I can see?" My hands were shaking again, but this time it was the thought of having blood taken, I really did hate it.

"Yeah of course, you can see Doctor Snow on Wednesday at four or you can see. . ah just the man." she breathed and smiled warmly at someone over my shoulder. I turned to see who she was looking at, it took me no more that two seconds to take him in. He was tall, blond and more beautiful than I had remembered. All the air left my lungs in a rush as he looked at me with his warm golden eyes and smiled.

"You must be Bella," his voice was warm and rich, with the slight musical quality that all vampires have.

"Carlisle!" I gasped just before darkness took me under.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi all.**

**Welcome to chapter 3. **

**Before you continue reading I would just like to point something out. There are a couple of things that didn't sit right with me with SM's logic. The first being that finding a mate with a human shouldn't be that much of a shocker. EVERY vampire has been human at some point, why would two vampires only meet and mate if they had been changed? Plus the fact that both Carlisle and Rose met their mates while they were still human!**

** Second is that surly if five vampires have been going to school and generally living with humans for decades (even Jasper, and I don't buy the 'he feels everyone's thirst' theory. . .since when has thirst been an emotion?) they must have come across, more than one injured human, could a tiny paper cut really spark off such a reaction from Jasper? Edward maybe as she is his singer, but the others? If they were that susceptible they shouldn't be in public. (please don't hate me for my opinion, I love twilight and SM as much as the next person).**

**And one final point about this story, although Bella dreamed in canon, the story waivers. . .you'll see why. . .**

**Love y'all, let me know what you think.**

**Vik**

**x**

**P.s thank you to all of you that have reviewed!**

Chapter 3

APOV

113 Days ago

"Carlisle, have you got a minute, can I talk to you?" I asked, peeking around the door to his office at Forks General Hospital. Carlisle, my father in all but the biological sense, and the patriarch of our family, beaconed me in with a smile.

"Of course, Alice. Is everything okay?" he asked, "Don't tell me your credit card has been declined."

"I haven't actually been shopping," I confessed, "Well I have, but only for a couple of hours." Carlisle raised his eyebrows and sat back in his chair. I don't know if he was more surprised that I had passed up an opportunity to shop continually for seven days straight or the fact that I had lied to my family about where I have been for the last seven days.

"Okay, Alice. If you haven't been shopping, where have you been?" he enquired, curious now.

"On Saturday, while I was out hunting with Rose, I had a vision, and I needed to get away for awhile to try and sort through it." I was watching him closely, his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he listened.

"To keep it away from Edward." he stated after a moment. I nodded, "And it's serious?" I nodded again. "How serious?"

"Life or death serious."

"What have you seen, Alice?" He was worried now, as anyone would be after a statement like that, and the last thing I wanted to do was worry Carlisle, but I was out of options, every scenario I had worked through, alone in my hotel room in Seattle, all ended the same. The only way the outcome changed was if I talked to Carlisle.

"I saw Edward. . .killing his mate." I told him quietly, so quietly in fact that only a vampire would hear me. Carlisle gasped, a truly human reaction.

"Dear God, why? How?" he stuttered, not an easy thing for a vampire to do.

"She's human. . ." I started, but Carlisle interrupted.

"So by killing, you mean changing?" he asked, relaxing slightly.

"No, I mean latching onto her neck and draining her dry," I told him sadly.

"I don't understand, Alice. Why would he do that to his mate, Edward self control is unfounded, why would he do that to any human, let alone his mate?"

"She's his singer." No more information was needed, Carlisle's shoulders slumped in defeat and his head fell in to his hands.

"My God," he muttered. "What do we do, Alice? I do not relish taking human life, but he only gets one chance at this, if they don't meet he will spend eternity alone, and if they do he kills her and then no doubt himself once he realises what he's done. Do we change her before they meet?"

"NO!" I yelled, "I've thought of that, it was my first thought, he would never forgive us, Carlisle. . . Ever!"

"Then what?" he asked desperately. Edward was his first son, his first companion, Carlisle would lay down his life for Edward.

"I don't know yet, what I do know is that between the two of us, we _will_ come up with something. Since deciding to talk to you, I've seen her as one of us, but not the way you suggested." I confessed.

"Tell me everything you know,"

"Her name is Isabella Swan, she is Chief Swans daughter. She's seventeen, lives with her mother in Arizona, and week ago she decided to come to Forks to live with her dad, she will be here in one hundred and thirteen days. They will meet for the first and last time in Biology and she won't be the only casualty, unless we do something." If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my face and I am sure that Carlisle would be in a similar state.

"You were right to keep this to yourself, I need time to think about this, work out what is best for both of them. If Edward finds out now he will run, and maybe that is for then best, I just don't know."

"It's not, I promise you that. If you could see how happy they both are in my last vision, you wouldn't be saying that. And I'm going to love her too, Carlisle, we all will, she is the missing piece to our family. I have never seen Edward so happy, and youthful." I could see his mind already working for a solution.

"Do you think that you could get the others together for a weekend hunting trip, I could use time to think and I obviously can't do that with Edward around?" he asked after a moment. I closed my eyes, running through possible ways to get them to go.

"Jasper won't go, but Rose, Edward and Emmett will," I told him after a moment. "Their due for a trip to Alaska," I laughed.

"That they are," he joined in, chuckling to himself. "How long with that give us?"

"Five days, Esme and Jasper will want to help,"

"Right," With the short bout of laughter behind us we both became quiet. I studded Carlisle, in the last half and hour he seemed to have aged fifteen years, I half expected grey hairs to appear around his temples, of course that was impossible, but I could see that he was taking the weight of this on his shoulders and I didn't want that.

"We'll sort this out, I know we will, the four of us _together!_" I stressed. "You're pager is going to go off in thirty three seconds, so I'll go and get rid of the others and meet you at home." I stood and made my round to the other side of his desk and wrapped my arms around him. "It will be okay," I promised. He rubbed my back affectionate and nodded.

"Yes," he agreed, half-heartedly

With a parting smile, I left his office and made my way home, certain that with Carlisle, Jasper, myself and no doubt Esme on board, we should be able to do something to help. The tricky part was going to be keeping this from Edward until I could get Emmett to drag him out of the house for the hunting trip and the key to that is not think about anything in particular. Edward trys to give us as much privacy as he can, but if I intentionally block him, he'll know something's up. So I pushed all information about Bella to the back of my mind and closed the door on it, just letting my mind run in its usual way.

When I got home, Jasper and Emmett were playing on the xbox, Edward was in his room, Rose was reading a magazine and Esme was in the garden. I left all of the shopping bags in the boot of the car and ran straight into the room and onto Jaspers lap.

"Hey, darlin, how were the shops, anything left in them?" he asked placing kiss on my forehead, the games controller forgotten and dropped to the floor.

"Nope, nothing at all," I said cheerfully, "I got you a great waistcoat to go with your blue shirt, some new shoes, an amazing pair of Republic jeans, a. . ."

"Ali, were were in the middle of a game," Emmett fumed, he was winning when I came in and he wasn't happy that play had been stopped.

"I haven't seen Jazz all week, so sod off Emmett and go and. . .catch a poler bear or something," Once a year Edward and Emmett take a trip up to Alaska, no mater where in the world we are. It started in nineteen sixty two when a silly bet was placed between the two of them to see who could catch the biggest, Edward won that year and the next and the next but the score was currently twenty/nineteen in Emmett's favour.

Emmett crinkled his brow for a moment, then turned his dimpled smile on me, wiggled his eyebrows at Rose and turned to the stairs.

"Yo, Eddie, wanna go see how quickly you can loose up in Alaska?" he bellowed, completely unnecessary, Edward would have heard him had he whispered.

Edward jumped over the railing on the third flood and landed lightly on his tip toes at the bottom of the stairs, shirt sleeve rolled up and a cheeky grin on his face. I love Edward, he is with out a doubt my favourite big brother and seeing him like this, is all of his seventeen year old glory always makes me smile, he should be happy like this all of the time.

"Bring it on brother bear, first one there get first dibs," and he turned and shot out of the front door, flashing me wink on his way out. Emmett bounded over the back of the couch, hot on Edwards heals. Rose rolled her eyes, placed her magazine down and got up to follow them.

"I'd better referee, God only knows what those two juveniles will get up to on there own." she huffed and followed after them at a more leisurely pace.

"What you feeling so smug about," Jazz asked squeezing me to him.

"You'll find out soon enough, I've got to call Carlisle. Oh and before you ask, Edward will win," I smiled and danced out of the room.

CPOV

I was devastated, completely and utterly devastated, and I questioned what God had against the poor boy. The fact that Edwards mate was human, was bad enough, but it wasn't unheard of. Both Rose and I had met our mates while they were still human, regardless of whether they were dying or not. And it stands to reason that his mate had to be human at some point as we all had been at one time or another. He was just destined to meet her before her change.

The problem was that she was his singer. A vampire phenomenon, legend and I would say myth, if it wasn't for our suspicions that Emmett had met his decades ago. Suffice to say, _she_ did live to tell the tail. A singer is impossible to resist, but somehow, some way, Edward was going to _have_ to resist his, if he didn't the consequences would be dire. If he killed his mate, I _know_ that he will find some way to kill himself, and I couldn't, _wouldn't_ let that happen.

As Alice predicted my pager went off thirty three seconds later. A young girl who had fallen out of a tree and broken her wrist, and I used the time it took to treat her, to focus solely on the job, to clear my mind in hope that a resolution would come to me if I stopped trying to find one. Alas it was useless. By the time I got back to my office, I was no closer to a plan.

Esme and I have always worried that I changed Edward too soon, before a time in his life where girls became an interest to him. In 1918, Edward was too consumed with going to war to pay interest in the fairer sex, and in the last ninety three years not one has caught his eye.

What Alice and the others don't know is how much Edward longs to find his mate, we have spoken about it more then once over the years and I can relate to how he feels. There is only one mate for a vampire and we don't get to choose who it is, when you meet, your soul connects to it's other half, it's instant and unbreakable. I was alone for two hundred and eighty years before I met Esme but I didn't know what I was missing, Edward does, living with three perfectly mated couples is hard on him, it's why he retreats within himself and he fears that he has missed her, that her time on earth ended with her human life and that he will forever be alone. Now I know that we were all wrong, I had to work out a way to fix this.

The obvious thing to do was to get Edward used to her scent before they meet, but with her living in Phoenix, that would be impossible. An item of her clothing wouldn't be too hard to get hold off, but the scent would be diluted and wouldn't last long. A vile of her blood would be perfect but impossible. . .

"Hello, Alice," I smiled, answering the phone.

"It's perfect, Carlisle, she's anaemic. If you can get me a leaflet, I will head down to phoenix tonight and post it thorough her door, her mom will find it and send her to the doctors, where I can swipe a sample. I'll be back before Edward is." she chirped, a new excitement taking over her. Relief flooded through me, bringing a vile of Isabella's blood into the house would cause problems for more than Edward, but it would do all of us good to get used to her scent, the chances of an accident taking place with in our presence was plausible. Mingling with humans on a day to day basis leave us susceptible to the occasional injury, from gashes that need stitching, to the smallest paper cut, it's inevitable in high school, but if we can become all but immune to Isabella's scent, then so much the better. Controlling Edward when her first smells it will be the problem.

"I can't say that I am happy with stealing a vile of her blood, but if it is what it takes to get this to work then fine. I'm leaving in ten minutes and will bring the leaflets home." We said our goodbyes and hung up.

If Isabella was anaemic, that would alter the smell of her blood, with the additional iron supplements that she would need to take, her scent would change and I have no idea if it would be better or worse for Edward, we would need to obtain a new vile or two over the course of the next few months to see how the iron would affect them both.

I felt slightly better about all this with a plan in mind. The biggest hurdle would be getting Edward to accept all of this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Firstly and most importantly, I went to see Breaking Dawn at midnight last night and all I can say is OMFG! Wow wow wow. It has to be the first time I have enjoyed the film more than the book. Yes it hope jumped and skipped through it but my God! Intense isn't in it.**

**Rob was at his best, _the_ best Edward yet and Renesmee was so beautiful. Seeing Rob with a baby totally got my ovaries twisting!**

**Anyway, on with the show. I have been wondering how to do this chapter and this wasn't at all what I had planned but I am really happy with it. I hope you are too.**

**Oh and the theme tune for this whole story has to be A Thousand Years, it's what I am listening too as I type over and over again, so you may find this story getting a bit emotional in places.**

Chapter 4

EPOV

Hunting in Alaska with Emmett had been great, it would have been better had Rose stayed at home, but alas she hadn't, but I'd had fun regardless. I'd split up from Em and Rose a few miles from home, the sun was just peeking above the horizon, highlighting the night sky with a wash of pinks, purples and blues. It had been a while since I had watched the sunrise, Forks was more often then not, too overcast to appreciate the true beauty of a new day, but this morning, the crystal clear sky promised a rare treat and my feet led me deeper into the forest, in the direction of a clearing I had found, whilst out hunting shorty after moving here.

The meadow was framed by a perfect circle of fir trees, in the summer months, tall willowy grass and a multitude of colourful wild flowers carpeted the ground and a small stream trickled by towards the east. The best feature by far though was the solitude it provided me. It was far enough away from civilisation and hiking trails that only my own thoughts ran through my head, it was also a place where I could be out in the sunshine without the risk of being seen for the monster I am.

My family knew that this is where I headed when I wanted to be alone, living in a house with three pairs of mated vampires could become too much sometime and they always respected my need for solitude, so I was surprised when I walked through the tree line, to see Carlisle sat in the centre of the meadow, staring up at the sunrise. I hadn't even pricked up on his thoughts as I approach.

_Good morning, son, _he said, opening his mind to me, this was the reason I had been unable to hear him, he had been keeping his mind blank, but I could now see that he was here to talk to me. Alice had _seen_ me heading here and Carlisle though that it would be a good place to talk to me in private.

"Good morning" I replied, walking slowly across the field towards him. As I got closer to him I could see that he was cradling something in his hands, but it was shielded from me so I couldn't see what it was.

"How was your trip?" he asked turning to face me as I sat down across from him. I bent legs slightly and rested my arms on my parted knees.

"Productive," I laughed, "Although I doubt Em would say the same." Carlisle laughed along with me and cast his eyes to the heavens for a moment.

"Ah, yes. Alice did say that he will be like a bear with a sore foot for the days to come. I'm sure he'll be back to his old self soon enough though." he laughed again, but it was strained, something was worrying him.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, I have known Carlisle for almost a hundred years and it was very rare to see him so. . .unsure, I think the best word would be.

"Nothing is _wrong_, but I was hoping to talk to you about some things. Would you humour an old man and listen to what I have to say?"

"Of course," I nodded. He wasn't focusing on what he wanted to say to me, and it was an uncomfortable feeling, not knowing what was coming.

"_Cupido amyntula," _He said, opening his hands to reveal a beautiful blue butterfly, it was caught between his thumb and the side of his index finger, it's wings fluttering uselessly. I was more confused then ever. "It's beautiful, is it not?" he asked stroking his a finger from his free hand gently over one of it's delicate wings.

"Very," I supplied frowning. He smiled at me and after running his finger across it's wing once more, he broke his hold on it, letting the butterfly take flight. I followed it's progress for a few seconds before turning back to Carlisle.

"What's this about?" I asked.

"When you play the piano, how do you know how much pressure to apply to the keys to get just the right volume or without causing damage to the instrument?" he asked, changing the subject, he was actually starting to worry me, and I questioned my knowledge that vampires couldn't suffer from stress or mental illness. I thought the question was rhetorical, but when he sat looking at me expectantly I answered him as if he didn't already hold the knowledge himself, as I could see he wanted me too.

"Pure instinct, pressure isn't something that has to be calculated, we just _know_, how much can be applied." I told him.

"Exactly! The same as when I'm completing surgeries, or handling new born babies, or stroking a butterfly," he smiled and looked in the direction the butterfly had flown. "It's instinctive, from the moment we wake up to this life, complete awareness of our surroundings is gifted to us in the form of out heightened senses. Touch, taste, smell, hearing, sight, all heightened. To not identify a certain scent, to not see the intricate pattern on each and every snowflake, to not hear the tiniest whisper, to miscalculate a touch and burst a bubble or damage a butterfly, is impossible, unless it's intentional. Have you ever experienced a time when your instincts have failed you?" he asked.

"No, never,"

"Even when in the middle of a hunt?"

"No,"

"That's because it can't happen, Edward. The blood-lust may take over, but when you give into your more animalistic nature, those senses are magnified, and if anything you become more aware of what's going on around you. To avoid leaving you open, vulnerable to attack while you're mentally distracted with the satisfaction that comes with the kill."

"Where is this leading, Carlisle? You've told me all of this before,"

"When did I tell you this?" he asked smiling at me.

"Just after my change," I confirmed, he knew this of course, the conversation we had after he had taken me out on my first hunt was playing through his mind now.

"And was I wrong about anything that I told you?" he enquired, already knowing the answer.

"No."

"What is the only instinct stronger than all of those, even the blood-lust?" he asked me expectantly, and this was the first question I didn't have an answer for, as far as I knew blood-lust trumped all else.

"I wasn't aware there was one," I stated confused.

"Living with three pairs of mated vampires and reading their minds for the last too many years, I thought you would know the answer to that one," he raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to respond.

"Mating?" I asked, "The instinct to mate is stronger than the lust for blood?"

"How do you think Rose managed to carry Emmett over a hundred miles, smothered in his own blood?"

"Truthfully I had never really through about it, at the time I was in awe of her being able to do that only twelve months out of her newborn year, and I knew that she had seen something in him that brought back memories from her human life, but as instincts don't register as thoughts I never realised that there could be more to it." I stated. I was actually very surprised by this, I knew that the mating bond was strong, irreversible, involuntary and if I thought about it. . .instinctive.

"There is so much more to it then you know, Edward. We all go our separate ways on the hunt to avoid confrontation, yes?" I nodded, although we always headed out together, we never _actually_ hunted together, we would arrange a designated meeting place and take off on our own. To approach a vampire mid hunt was asking for death.

"If any one of you was to come upon me whilst feeding, we both know what would happen and it wouldn't be pretty. Yet almost every time we hunt together I will share my kill with Esme, as I am sure Emmett and Jasper do with the girls. There is never, and would never be an instinct to attack her. My senses are all heightened and I can smell her scent as she approaches. My need to take care of her, protect her, love her all out weigh everything else, do you understand what I am saying?" Though surprised by that knowledge, I nodded.

"The instinct to mate is complex. It is broken down into so many facets, but the key point is to protect. The bond works both ways, Esme loves me as much as I love her and there is nothing we wouldn't do for each other. The day I met her, the day she fell out of the tree when she was sixteen, that was the day we mated, as soon as I looked at her my life changed, I didn't live for myself any longer I lived for her, but I knew so little about mating that I had no clue what had happened and by the time I realised, she had gone, her parents had taken her home. I could have followed her, every part of me was screaming to follow her, to claim her as mine, but she was sixteen, and _human_. I'd never heard of a vampire mating to a human and it terrified me, I was a monster, she was better off without me.

I left that night, moved to the next state, got another job in another hospital and tried to live each day, one day at a time. But it was agony, I felt like I had left part of me behind, and I had to stop myself time and time again from going after her. When I found her, lay dying in the morgue, the decision to change her wasn't consciously made, there was no choice, if she had died I would have too.

Everyday since then, I have cursed the choice I made, I should have gone after her, I should have been there to protect her from the true monster. Yes I would have had to change her at some point, I wouldn't have been able to live for eternity without her, I wouldn't have been able to give her children. But, Edward, if I could go back, if I could live that day all over again, I would have followed her from the hospital, watched her, protected her until the day she was old enough for me to approach her and declare myself to her.

You know better then anyone, the hell she lived through, I could have prevented all of that. She could have been safe and happy but instead she was beaten to within an inch of her life, day after day, year after year. But on top of that, she had mated to me too that day, she left the hospital with her father and spent the next ten years with a broken heart and spirit. A male vampire will always be the more dominant mate, more controlling, more demanding but also more protective. I could no sooner raise and hand to Esme than I could cut my own arm off. _He _was the true monster, not I. Even had we been together when she was human, I probably could have taken her out on the hunt with me and no harm would have ever come to her, I literally could never hurt her, not only because I would never ever want to but I physically couldn't, she is my mate and I am programmed to protect her,"

As Carlisle finished his speech, I sat in silence listening in to what he was thinking. The lump in my throat was painful and I was fighting to hold control of my emotion. Vampires can't shed tears, but we can cry, and right now, Carlisle had his face buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking with his dry sobbing. I rested my hand on his shoulder in support. The regret and the guilt he held for not protecting his mate was ripping him apart. He had never let me see this side of him, and it was heartbreaking. For the first time ever I had no clue as to what to say, of course I had known Carlisle and Esme had met when they were younger but I had no idea that they had mated, no idea that it was possible to mate with a human but as I sat in silence thinking about everything he had told me, watching his memories of the day he met Esme, I could see that not only was it possible, it had happened in my family. . .twice. First with Carlisle and Esme and then with Rose and Emmett.

Carlisle looked up and I could hear the apology forming in his mind.

"Please, don't apologise, you have nothing to be sorry for," I told him before he could speak.

"Thank you, son. Tell me though, do you understand what I am saying?" he asked quietly. I nodded to him once, because I did. I didn't know why he was telling me now, but I did know what he was telling me.

"Good, because you needed to understand, Edward. You also need to know that there is nothing that any of us wouldn't do for you, we are all here to help you, for you too lean on if you need us, to support you. But after hearing what happened between Esme and I, you have to know that the one thing I will _not_ let you do is run," he stated, his compassionate eyes focused on my confused ones.

"Run?" I asked "Run from what?"

"Your mate, Edward. Alice has seen your mate. Your _human_ mate."

Shock waves went through my whole body and I froze, I stopped breathing, stopped blinking and just sat staring at Carlisle. Nothing could have prepared me for what I had just been told. Never in a million years had I expected Carlisle to say that. I understood so much more than before why he had told be all that he had over the last hour, the questions, the demonstrated with the butterfly, the isolated location. Alice had seen my mate.

_My_ mate.

My _mate!_

"Tell me," I whispered, the air rushing back into my lungs. I have dreamt of hearing those words for almost a hundred years. Vampires rarely find their mate for one reason or another. I had always thought that I had missed mine, that she had died in her human life, but she hadn't, she was still living. . .as a _human._ Carlisle was right, had he not spoken to me of his experience with Esme, I would have run. How long I would have been able to stay away for is anybodies guess, but I would have tried. The thought now though of my mate being out there, human, unprotected, sent a chill of fear down my spine and the only place I wanted to run to was her, to protect her, keep her safe from the monsters like Esme ex husband and the scum I hunted in my younger years. From plane crashes and car accidents and sickness and natural disasters. I knew absolutely nothing about her at this point, she could be married with children, she could be halfway across the globe. Was she tall, short, blonde, brunette, did she have blue eyes or brown or green like mine had been. "Tell me," I told him again.

"Her name is Isabella Swan, she is seventeen, she lives with her mother in Arizona. She's Chief Swans daughter, Edward and she is moving here to Forks to live with him in one hundred and eight days," he told me quietly.

If my heart was still beating, it would be fighting to get out of my chest. One hundred and eight days, in _one hundred and eight days_ my mate would be here, in Forks, where I could protect her. But what could happen to her in that time. I was ready to run all the way to Arizona to watch over her and keep her safe, to be on her flight here just in case, but Carlisle's next words almost ripped my still, dead hear to pieces.

"Edward, she's not only your mate. She's also your singer."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again, Big thanks to those who have reviewed!**

**Here is a new on, I'm not all that happy with it but it was written with a hang over so...yeah! sorry**

Chapter 5

EPOV

The last one hundred and eight days have been hell on earth, literally, for so many reasons. After Carlisle dropped the bomb in the meadow, that not only had Alice seen my mate, but said mate was also my singer, my life had been turned upside down and inside out.

Finding out that the woman that I was destined to love for all eternity, was also the one person who's blood was made just for me was agony. No agony is not a strong enough word to describe how I felt in that moment. I felt like my life had ended. How was I suppose to be within a hundred feet of her, let alone mate with her. In the space of five minutes I'd gone from being all alone in the world, to finding out that I had a mate to then finding out I was destined to end her life. The need to run to her, to protect her delicate human life, had transformed in less than a second, to the need to run as far away from her as I could ever get.

The despair I felt, the hopelessness and utter devastation was incomparable and I curled up on myself on the floor of my meadow and sobbed. For the first time in my new life I cried, I selfishly cried for myself, the pain of the loosing the only hope I would ever have of not spending eternity alone. Thoughts of going to the Volturi and ending it all crossed my mind, and I probably would have had I been able to move, had I not been crippled with the agony of loosing my mate and had Carlisle not been there to hold me together.

"_We will help you through this, Edward. Alice, Jasper, Esme and I have been working through this over the past few days to come up with a solution and we think we may have found one. But ultimately you have to find the strength to do this yourself. I will be here every step of the way, we will get you through this and by the time she gets here you will be in the right place to meet her," Carlisle promised, but his words were having no effect. How could I possibly meet her?_

_"How, Carlisle? How could I ever possibly meet her? She's my singer for Christ sake, you know what happened with Emmett." I demanded._

_"Alice, she went down to Arizona while you were away. Isabella is anaemic, we managed to get a sample of her blood. The plan is to have you immune to it before she arrives in Forks. She is your mate, Edward. If you can't do this for yourself, then do it for her." he pleaded. _

_A part of me was disgusted with the knowledge that my family had taken a vile of my mates blood, it went against every protecting instinct that I had. Another part of me was shocked that I could be so protective of the mate I had yet to meet. Yet another part wanted to tear through the forest and consume the __blood that had been made just for me. But the biggest part of me was terrified of finding out that it was true, that my mate was my singer and how I would react to smelling her blood._

_"Surely the best thing for her is to be as far away from me as possible!"_

_"How can you say that? After knowing what happened to Esme, after knowing that her soul was made for yours, she is your mate, you will make her happier, safer, more content than any other man on the planet. Do you want to leave her out there, incomplete for the rest of her human life?"_

_I lay on the damp grass of my meadow until the sun had set and the moon had risen. Carlisle sat beside me, comforting me when I cried, calming me when I raged and reassuring me that I was strong enough to do this, and that Isabella was worth it, that I was worth it._

_We left the meadow in the early hours of the following morning, Carlisle had called Esme to let her know that we were on our way home. The four family members that had been left at home while I was in Alaska with Emmett and Rose, had spent the last couple of days getting used to the smell of her blood. It was apparently not too difficult for them but Jazz had wanted to get use to it so that he could help me control my emotions once my blood-lust took effect and he couldn't do that if he was effected by the blood himself. At that point, having spent the last forty eight hours breathing in the fresh blood he was more or less used to it. Although Jazz couldn't control my thirst he could try and calm me down if needs be. _

_The blood was being kept in the freezer to keep it fresh, and small amounts were being taken out every six hours or so. Alice had met Em and Rose in the woods before they arrived home to explain what was going on and while Rose was pissed off as usual, the family wanted Emmett there as the strongest of us, to stop me if I tried to go on a killing spree._

_When we arrived back at the house a new sample had just been warmed and Jazz and Em were in the yard waiting for me. I was terrified. I stopped breathing a mile away from the house and didn't breath again until I was locked in the tight grasps of my brothers and father._

_"You okay?" Emmett asked. The thing about Emmett is that, while he pretends to be a fool and is the biggest prankster of all of us, he is honest and fearse and loyal, I never feel like I am intruding on Em's thoughts, he will say what he thinks, and where anyone of the family would be expecting him to be ribbing be in his mind, he wasn't, he was worried. He wanted me to find what he had with Rose. He was also remembering what happened the night he met his singer. _

_"Em" I hiss through my teeth, attempting not to take in any air._

_"Sorry,"_

_"You ready, Edward?" Carlisle asked. I wasn't ready, I was far from it, but I was here now, and if I ever wanted to meet my mate I had to do this, so I nodded and braced myself to take a breath._

_No I wasn't ready, nothing could have prepared me for this. My first hesitant breath was heaven and hell all rolled into one. On one hand it was euphoric, the scent of my mate hit me like a tsunami, wave after wave of undiluted pleasure had my eyes rolling into the back of my head. I lost all sense of time and space, somehow ending up on my knees in the middle of the lounge, Emmett still on one arm Jasper on the other and Carlisle behind me with his hands on my shoulders, but I had no idea how I got there. The need to find my mate, to claim her, to make her mine, to have her bend to my will as she withered beneath me, to give her the pleasure that she was giving me, was almost too much to resist. It was like ingesting pure heroin and I was flying on a high. On the other hand the scent of my singer had the burn in my throat suddenly flaming into a raging inferno. Venom pooled in my mouth and swallowing it was the equivalent to pouring hot molten lava down my throat, and I knew that nothing but the precious few drops of thirst quenching blood that saturated the confines of the room with it's irresistible aroma would put the fire out. The twin desires to kill and to protect were ignited by the same scent and they were fighting against each other in a battle to the death. In the process they were tearing me in two and the agonised growl that ripped through my chest echoed off the walls around us._

_I was too far gone to care what was going through the minds of my family, I didn't care what I looked like, the monster and the mate in me were still battling against each other and for the time being neither could get control of the other. My hands, I knew, had clawed into the hard wood flooring, where I was holding on for dear life. _

_Hunt. Find. Kill. The monster within me was rattling his cage demanded attention, to find the source of this scent and consume it. Savour every last drop, quench the thirst, put out the flame._

_Mate. Love. Protect. The man in me screamed, but against the monster his voice was week. Slowly the monster was winning, until suddenly he wasn't._

_The image of a young woman shot behind my eyes, she was smiling, her eyes, like deep pools of milk chocolate were shining with mirth, her long brown hair curled in soft waves fell around her beautiful heart shaped face. But the best part, the very best part was that her smile, the one that lit up her whole face, was aimed at me. She was in my arms, in this very room and I was smiling back at her. I almost didn't recognise myself. Never had I ever looked so happy, and it was all her._

_"I love you," she said and she pushed up on the tip of her toes and pushed her soft pink lips against mine. _

And just like that, the man in me won out, the monster was pushed right to the back of his cage and the steal bars that held him were re-enforced with titanium. After that night, I spent hours upon hours soaking up her scent. The first couple of weeks were the hardest. It was the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my long life.

If I wasn't at school or out hunting, which was something that I had to do more of in the first few weeks, I was locked away in my room basking in the pleasure and the pain that came with the strawberry and lilac and freesia scent of my mate.

Alice travelled back to Arizona twice more after that, to collect new viles of blood, she was always their the day after the bloods were taken, after they had been tested, to bring them back to me. Isabella's scent had changed ever so slightly with the additional iron that she was taking, but it had no affect on the impact it had on me.

Now, one hundred and eight days later and I had achieved the impossible, I was immune to the scent of my singers blood. What hadn't altered was the call of my mate, and I was more than grateful for that. With the monster locked up tight, new problems arose, firstly I was back to my worries about _her._ The knowledge that she wasanaemic had been lost on me those first few days, but after calming down somewhat, that information penetrated my mind.

My two doctorates were enough to tell me that it was nothing really to worry about, she was being treated and I could smell that her blood was healthy, but this was my mate and any ailment was enough to send me into a panic attack – if such a thing was possible for vampire – all of the worries about her safety that had first struck me in the meadow, before finding out she was my singer, came back to life and while I was stuck in Forks, dealing with my blood-lust, I drove Alice to distraction, I had her watching Isabella's every move, ready to race down to Arizona to whip her away from any danger. Luckily nothing had happened, and today she was on her way here, to me.

Another problem to over come once my blood-lust was under control was my lust for my mate. We all knew that there was nothing I would be able to do to control that, it was a part of my make up, to mark my mate, to claim her, make her mine. But the problem was that lust and sexual desire was not something that I had ever had to deal with, I had never been interested in having sex for sex sake and while that urge was missing, I'd never felt then need to take matters into my own hand – so to speak – therefore, I had no idea how my body would react during climax, and this was now something that I had to think about. I had been resolute to not making love to Isabella until we were married, and until she had been changed – if she wanted to be that is – but Carlisle pointed out that this was the twenty first century and Isabella was a twenty first century girl and to be perfectly honest I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to resist her, the call to mate with her.

That was how I ended up in Carlisle's study two week ago, getting a sex talk at one hundred and ten years old.

_"Edward, do you have a minute?" Carlisle called from his study. I was in my room, lay on my new bed reading, the others were out hunting and Esme was in her office working on blue prints. After placing my book on the side table I made my way down to Carlisle office. _

_"Of course," I replied, taking a seat in front of his desk. He was blocking his thought again, so I knew that this was going to be a difficult conversation._

_"How are you feeling?" he asked._

_"Better, the whole house is saturated in her scent, it's more of a comfort now than anything, in fact I would go as far as to say that the though of consuming her blood is nauseating, my whole being reject anything that could hurt her."_

_"I'm proud of you, Edward. What you have over come to just get to this point in phenomenal." he smiled and I knew how proud he was, it echoed in every one of his thoughts._

_"Thank you, I couldn't have done this without you, any of you,I will always be grateful," I told him sincerely._

_"You're welcome, you know I would do anything for you, Edward. Which is why I wanted to talk to you. I know that you have dealt with your blood-lust now, but what about just good old fashioned lust? Edward, you're one hundred and ten years old, you may look like a teenager, but your no more of a teenager than I am, I'm not talking now as your father or a doctor, I talking as your friend. You've seen the destruction that Emmett and Rose can make after one of their sessions, you know how strong you are. I have no interest in what goes on behind closed doors in this house and I don't want to pry now, but I've been where you are now, I've been where you are going to be when Isabella gets here. What you told me you went through when you first encounted her scent, that desire to claim and mate, will only get worse when you are with her and that's fine, but as she's human, you are going to learn to channel your access. You wouldn't hurt her, your never could even by accident, but while she's human, she's not going to be able to at it for days on end like you will want to."_

_"Carlisle, while I appreciate what you're telling me, I have no plans to mate with Isabella until she's changed, and not until we're married." I interrupted him._

_"Oh, Edward," he laughed. "Good luck with that then. But If I was a betting man, I would give that resolve three months tops, It's the twenty first century Edward, and you can't drag Isabella back to the beginning of the twentieth. Not only is that unfair to her, she is your mate, you won't be able to hold out for the next how many years,"_

_I didn't know what to say to that, so I stayed quiet._

_"Just think about what I've said. If you want to talk about it just let me know."_

I didn't talk to him about it again. I didn't need to, I knew he was right. Two days later I masturbated for the first time in my life. Images of Isabella flowed through my mind as I stroked myself to release in the shower three times - consecutively. I had never felt anything like it, the access that Carlisle was talking about made more sense now, not only did I have a hole in the shower wall were my hand had gone through during my first climax but I could have stayed there all day, thinking about Isabella while I stroked myself. I probably would have done had the others not arrived home. What surprised me the most was that I couldn't find it in myself to be ashamed of my actions, I though that I would feel like I had objectified her, but I didn't. I just wanted more. I wanted my mate.

The last problem, and the one that I didn't have a solution too just yet, was how to tell Isabella what I was. Alice has shown me more than once, the images or Isabella as a vampire, so intellectually I knew that she would accept me. . .eventually. But what she couldn't see was how I would tell her. The thought of lying to her about anything was repulsive to me, so I had to tell her sooner rather than later, but if I told her too soon it could scare her away. It was a damned if you do damned if you don't situation – no pun intended. I was flying blind with this one and I didn't like it, not one bit. The only think I could do was take her lead, listen to her thoughts to know when she was ready to hear what I had to say.

"EDWARD!" Alice yelled from down stairs. The shock in her voice had me racing down to her.

"What? What's wrong?" I demanded.

"It's Bella, she's at the hospital, she was waiting to make an appointment for blood tests and she saw Carlisle and fainted. She knocked her head on the reception desk. . " I didn't hear the rest of what she was saying. I had my car key's in hand and was out of the door and in my car in less that two seconds. I didn't once think about what I would do once I got to the hospital I just had to be there.

It took me less than ten minutes to get there, but they were the longest ten minutes of my life. I had parked my car and was walking through the doors to the ER probably faster than I should have been. I was already calling for Carlisle as the scent of her blood hit me. It was fresh, she was bleeding or had been and that knowledge tore my heart out.

_I'm in with her now, Edward. She's still unconscious but I've stopped the bleeding. It's only a small cut on the back of her head, doesn't even need stitches, but head wounds bleed a lot, you know that._

I could see her, through Carlisle mind, lay sleeping on the small hospital bed, here breathing was even but she has no colour in her cheeks.

"What room are you in?" I asked quietly, only Carlisle would hear me.

_162, you're in luck if you want to come in and she her, Chief Swan was just called out to an RTA._

I walked swiftly down the hall and paused outside her room. This was it, I was going to see my mate for the first time, not that she would know about it but still. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door to her room open and walked in.

She was there, just like I had seen through Carlisle eyes, sleeping beauty in the flesh. In that moment I felt the shift deep inside me as my soul, the one I though I had lost with my transformation, latched on to hers, everything I have ever been, everything I was, everything I knew, everything I owned, none of it mattered any more, all that mattered was the small human girl that lay motionless, and completely clueless to the impact she had just had on my whole existence.

"Are you okay, son?" Carlisle asked. He rested his hand on my shoulder but I couldn't pull my eyes away from Isabella, so I simply nodded. I wasn't close enough to her, I needed to be closer, I needed to touch her.

Stepping away from Carlisle I slowly made my way over to where she lay. I knew that Carlisle wanted to talk to me about something, but I wasn't paying attention, every corner of my mind was consumed with my mate. Her scent swirled in the air around me and I took a deep breath, soaking up as much of her essence as I could. Slowly I reached out and gently ran my finger down her cheek, electricity sparked in the air when I touched her, sending white hot embers to my heart and before I could react, her breathing hitched and her dark brown eyes flew open and locked with mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi all**

**So here is the next chapter. The next one is the talk, how much do you think Bella should tell him? Let me know as I am back and forth with this and it would be nice to know what you think.**

**Vik**

BPOV

Chapter 6

When a person dreams, the visions that float through their subconscious like disjointed movie scenes where the film reel has been snipped and haphazardly taped back together, hold little to no substance. Taste, touch, smell, pain are all strangely absent and the slightest disturbance in the outside world sends the vision to the back of your mind, to replace it with another random event or brings you back to consciousness. Sometimes sounds are muffled and your vision can be blurry, your motor functions always seem to let you down when trying to escape an attacker or race to save a loved one, leaving you with the distinct impression of trying to move through treacle.

On the other hand, your emotions always seem to be heightened, laughter and tear, terror and confusion are all given free reign when the rational side of your brain shuts down to let your subconscious take over.

I dreamt that way for just over seventeen years, I've woken countless times during the night in tears when emotions ran too high, or screaming for my mom when the bad guy in my nightmare got too close, or jumped out of my skin with the sudden sensation of falling, be it off a cliff or a bed or a step but it never fails to wake you. But no matter your dream or how you are woken from it, when your conscious minds kicks back in, you _always_ know it was just a dream, be it good or bad, you tell yourself time and time again – _It was just a dream._

When my dreams changed one hundred and twenty days ago, when taste, touch, smell and pain were as vivid as the sights and sounds, when I began rationalising in my sleep and challenging my emotions. When I began to dream within my dreams, when the bad guys didn't rouse me screaming for my mother, when the tears and grief failed to wake me, when jumping from a cliff one hundred feet above the raging waves of the pacific ocean failed to jolt me suddenly from my subconscious and when the dreams were no longer disjointed but flowed smoothly like the chapters of a novel, you would think that the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, between awake and asleep would become impossible to detect, that I would question whether any of it really happened. The strange thing is, I didn't. I always knew that I'd been dreaming.

So when I felt the darkness recede from my mind, when the glaring lights from above me penetrated my eyelids, I _knew_ I was awake or at least on the verge of waking up, what I wasn't sure about was why I was asleep in the first place. I wanted to open my eyes, to assess my surroundings, work out when I had fallen asleep, but something was telling me not to, telling me to say calm, keep breathing in and out. I wanted to label it as fear, but that wasn't right, maybe it was dread, but what was I dreading? I racked my brain, retracing my steps.

I remembered not sleeping last night, the trip to the airport, the flight, throwing myself at Charlie, the drive to Forks, stopping at the hospital. . .the hospital, _I was in the hospital_. But why?

I heard the door to my room open and close and waited for the sounds of my dad's feet shuffling across the floor, or the bustle of a nurse as she took my vitals, but there was nothing, so I presumed that who ever had opened my door had found the wrong room.

But then it happened.

The air was suddenly filled with the scent of honey and lilac and sunshine, a scent I would know anywhere, the whole room was humming with an electric undercurrent and I remembered why I was there.

Carlisle.

He was there, in the waiting room, with his moviestar looks, his porcalinskin, his welcoming smile and his golden eyes. But that wasn't who this scent belonged to, he wasn't the cause of the millions of tiny hairs that were standing on end, he wasn't the cause of the beats that my heart had skipped, he wasn't the cause of the tears that were forming behind my closed eyelids.

Now I was afraid. I was afraid of so many things

I was afraid to open my eyes only to find the room empty.

I was afraid to open my eyes to see _black_ eyes glaring at me, like that first encounter so many nights ago.

I was afraid to open my eyes and see him, only for him to run from me.

I was afraid to believe that this was really happening.

I was afraid of keeping my eyes closed and never getting to see his beauty with my own eyes. There was no room full of witnesses this time, nothing to stop him from taking my life. I'd been bleeding, I could smell the iron and rust in the air and for one strange second I waited for the flood of venom and the itch in my throat to burst into flames. Of course it didn't, I wasn't a vampire. Yet?

I _wasn't_ afraid of _him._ How could I be? I was afraid that my life would end before I told him how much I loved him.

And then I felt the smooth, cold, brush of his skin against mine. Electricity shot thought me and my eyes flew open and I wasn't afraid any more, because there he was, stood leaning over me, his icy knuckles still resting softly against my cheek. His warm _golden_ eyes were wide as they watched me watching him.

My dreams hadn't done him justice, he was beyond beautiful. His wild bronze hair was windswept like it always was after he'd been running, his skin was smooth and pale and perfect, his rosy lips were pulled into a small version of his usual crooked grin but I could see the shock and uncertainty in his eyes.

I wondered _why_ he was here. He wasn't thirsty, that much I could tell and it confused me, why wasn't he reacting to my blood? Wasn't I his singer in real-life? Wasn't he in pain? I wanted to ask him, I wanted to run my hands through his hair and tell him that I loved him and that everything was going to be okay, but I couldn't because if there was one thing I knew about Edward it was that if _he_ knew_, _that _I_ knew that he was a vampire, him and the rest of the Cullen's would run for the hills and I would never survive if he left me.

He suddenly pulled his hand away from my face and took a small step back and I could do nothing to stop the whimper that escaped my lips at the loss of contact. His eyebrows furrowed and then his form was blocked from my view by another. . .Carlisle.

"Welcome back, Bella. How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked, his voice was warm and soft as always but he was weary, I could see that and I wondered if he was trying to think of a way to explain Edward's presence in my room. If he was, he was having as much trouble with that one as I was, I just _could not_ fathom why he would be here, or why his thirst wasn't driving him mad and why he was touching me. A small part of my brain focused on what Carlisle had asked and I smiled when a thought hit me.

"I'm fine," I honestly was, okay I had a little bit of a headache and I was in brain melt down seeing two of the Cullen's here but that wasn't why I said it. The small frustrated huff that came from behind Carlisle was the reaction I was hoping for. _No, Edward, you can't read my mind, _I thought and I could do nothing to stop my grin from spreading. I would bet my life (not a very good idea when in a room with to vampires, vegetarian or not) that there was a silent conversation going on between my two visitors, that Carlisle had asked Edward if I was telling the truth and he had just realised that he couldn't answer the question. Ha!

"Can you tell me what happened to cause the fainting spell, have you eaten today?" he continued after a brief pause.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just tired, it's been a long day and I didn't sleep very well last night," I admitted, leaving out the total shock I'd received from seeing my dreams come to life.

"Okay, well you have a small laceration on the back of your head, but it's small enough that it didn't require stitching, but there is no other sign of head trauma. How's your vision?"

"It's fine, no problems there," Yeah my vision is perfect, well it was until Carlisle stepped in front of Edward.

"Perfect. Unfortunately your father got called away, I took the liberty of calling home to arrange for someone to take you home. This is my son, Edward, he was nearby and offered his services," he explained gesturing to the Greek God behind him, "I want you to rest where you are for thirty minutes or so and then you are free to go, but you need to take it easy tonight."

So this was the reason he was going to use for Edward being here, that made sense in a friendly-small-town-neighbour kind of way, but I could tell he was lying and nothing was making sense!

"Sure, that's fine. Is everything okay though? Why was my dad called away?" I questioned.

"Everything is fine, Bella. There was an accident on the highway and he had to check it out, I'll see you before you leave." That was the third time he had called me Bella and not Isabella as I would have expected and it was only adding to my confusion, I nodded and before he walked out of the door I closed my eyes to try and ward off the pain in my head.

"What's wrong?" a quiet musical voice whispered. My eye's flew open again, I thought that he would have left with Carlisle.

"I just have a headache," I didn't know what to say to him, oh I had and million and one things I _wanted_ to say, but they were all stuck at the back of my throat.

"Do you need me to call Carlisle back?" he was worried, I'd heard the slight panicked edge to his voice more times than I could count and it made me smile despite myself.

"No, Edward I'll be fine, I promise," the thrill I got from saying his name out loud for the first time sent a shiver down my spine. Reading the involuntary movement completely wrong, and moving slightly faster than he should have, Edward had the blanket up from around the bottom of the bed and pulled up to my chin. I laughed lightly.

"You're cold, Love," he stated, my breathing hitched and I saw the exact moment his own words registered in his mind, his whole body went into lock down.

"Why are you really here, Edward?" I whispered.

"What do you mean?" he whispered back. I watched his face carefully. Yes Edward was a good lier, like he had told me before, in my dream, he _had _to be. But I knew him better then anyone and I knew that he was hiding something. He called me _Love,_ it was as if he already knew me and suddenly it clicked.

"Alice," I breathed. "She saw me coming," If I thought he'd shocked himself a moment ago, it was nothing to what I had just done to him. I'd only ever seen him this shocked once before and it didn't end well and I gathered by his reaction now that although Alice may have seen _me_ she didn't know that _I_ had seen _them_.

"Edward, please, please don't freak out okay. I promise you that _everything_ is okay. Please don't run, we need to talk, I can explain everything if you just give me a chance, please." Oh God he is going to run. "Edward?"

"Ssh, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm not going anywhere, Bella, I promise, but tell me what you mean about Alice," he reassured me softly and I breathed a sigh of relief when he snapped out of his stillness.

"I will, but not here. Do you think you can pull some strings with the old man and break me out of here?" He looked at me skeptically, no doubt assessing my health. "I promise I'm fine, trust me I've had worse," _Not all of them in real life. _I added mentally.

"Okay" he nodded and reached out his hand to help me off the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again.**

**So how many times have you seen BD1? A few I would guess haha.**

**Okay so here is C7, I had such a mixed response to the question of how much she should tell Edward and what should happen in the future that I had to try and find some middle ground and you will see over the next few chapters what that middle ground looks like.**

**On another note, I've got a new story that is begging to be written, I have tried to pick up on Karma and First Light but for some reason I can't at the moment, I am not going to completely abandon them but they are on the back burner until I can get the buzz for them again. If you are a writer yourself you will know that you can't force a story out. With that being said, I will be continuing with this one but also working on my new FF 'Missing'.**

**It's not written yet, I'm researching at the moment and trying to piece things together. It is nothing like anything I have written before. Firstly it's a regency drama set in England and second it will be in the third person, so keep an eye out for it.**

**With having two stories on the go (bad idea) I should set a schedule but I can't keep to them so it's pointless, I will be updating each at _least _once a fortnight though...promise!**

**Thanks to all of you that have reviewed, you keep me writing!**

**Vik**

**x**

Chapter 7

EPOV

The car journey from the hospital to Bella's house was travelled in silence, I glanced at her constantly out of the corner or my eye, as she watched the scenery fly by. She was beyond beautiful and her mouthwatering scent swirled around the small, confined space. I breathed deeply, drawing as much of her into my lungs as I could, my throat itched slightly but the blood lust stayed away and I basked in the glory that she was here, with me. . .my mate.

The colour had returned to her cheeks, her chocolate brown eyes shimmered and her rosy pink bottom lip was trapped between her teeth. The desire to reach over and release it was overwhelming and my fingers constantly twitched on the steering wheel.

To say that she had shocked the hell out of me, more than once, in the hospital would be a huge understatement. Carlisle had shown me what had taken place before I arrived, Bella had been stood at the reception desk making an appointment. Amanda, the receptionist had spotted Carlisle and Bella had turned to see who she was looking at, on seeing Carlisle her breathing had hitched, her pupils had dilated, her heart rate had accelerated and right before she lost consciousness she had called him by name. She had recognised him, but neither of us knew how, with his perfect vampire recall, Carlisle knew that he had never met Bella before. I'd tried to pull the knowledge from her mind but once again she stumped me, I couldn't read her mind, nothing, nada, zilch. I couldn't even find the presence of her mind like I could with others that were blocking me, it was like she had built up a titanium wall around it and it frustrated the hell out of me. The one mind I wanted to read was shut tight against me. Karma's a bitch!

If all that wasn't enough to drive me too distraction, I'd slipped and called her _Love _and she had responded by asking if Alice had _seen_ her. I'd imagined time and again over the past few months how our first meeting would go, what I would say to her, how I would act, how _she_ would act, but never in my wildest dreams. . .daydreams that is. . .could I _ever_ have imagined it going as it had done today. Ever!

She hadn't volunteered directions to her house at any point, whether it was because she was too deep in thought or whether it was because she thought I would know my way, I have no idea, but before even my vampire mind could work it's way through todays happenings we were pulling up outside it. I cut the engine and turned to face her slightly, to my surprise she was already looking at me, her eyes were betraying the thoughts that were hidden from me. She was apprehensive, unsure and I was on the verge of offering to postpone our conversation before she spoke.

"Would you like to come in?" she asked quietly before I could say anything. The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable, so regardless of my desire to find out what was going on and my need to be with her, I knew that I had to offer her an out, but when I opened my mouth to speak only one word came out.

"Yes," I answered simply and reached for the door handle, hoping to make it to her side of the car – at human speed – before she could climb out herself.

To my complete surprise – again – she sat waiting patiently for me to open her door for her, a custom that was generally lost on today society, and offered me a warm smile.

"Thank you," she whispered as she climbed out. I wanted to offer her my hand to help her, but I was unsure of how she would respond to my temperature. It had been enough to startle her awake at the hospital and although she had seemed to whimper when I had broken contact, it wasn't worth the risk at this point – or so I kept telling myself!

"You're welcome," I smiled back at her and followed her up the path to the front door. She gingerly reached up to the space above the door and quickly retrieved a small silver key. Her hand's were shaking slightly so it took her a couple of attempts to get it into the lock. I took a small step away from her, worried that her sense of self-preservation was kicking in with my close proximity to her.

"Um, you can just hang your coat behind the door if you'd like," she offered, doing the same herself. I followed suit, happy that it appeared I would be staying for a while.

I followed her into a small lounge and couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face when I spotted the various photographs of her throughout her youth.

"Ugh," she complained when she saw were I was looking "Go ahead and knock yourself out, may as well get this over with now," she rolled her eyes as she turned and walked into the kitchen, a slight smile on her beautiful face. "So predictable" she muttered under her breath.

I laughed lightly and wondered closer to the mantle where the pictured stood. She had always been beautiful, even in what some would class as her awkward years. There were pictures of her as a baby with both her mother and father, pictures of her in the yard playing in the leaves and the snow, her button nose red from the cold as she stood proudly next to a rather pitiful looking snowman.

"Cute," I told her as I heard her footsteps re-enter the room, I turned to face her and my smile spread further still as I saw the blush that had consumed her face.

"If you say so," she laughed.

"I do," I smirked.

Her eyes suddenly shot up to mine and she took a deep, ragged breath before closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly. Her actions confused me and I wished once again that I could read her mind.

"Would you like to sit?" she gestured to the chair opposite the couch and I nodded and sat, following her lead yet again. She had perched herself on the edge of the couch and was wringing her hands between her knees. I hated seeing her so. . .conflicted and unsure, I wanted to see the smiling, confident girl from Alice's visions and every cell in my body was itching to comfort her.

"Bella, we don't have to do this now," I lied, "It can wait."

"No, no I. . .it's just. . .I'm not sure where to begin and I'm. . .I'm afraid. . .I'm afraid that you're just gonna disappear," she whispered and tried to subtlety wipe the tear that fell from her eye, but it was a pointless exercise because more followed in it's wake, "I'm sorry," she breathed and despite the confusion and the questions and the uncertainty, I was suddenly on my knees before her and had pulled her quivering body to mine. And nothing mattered any more, not the temperature of my skin or the firmness of my body, not the speed in which I'd moved and the risk of exposure, not the fact that we had met only an hour before and to her I was technically the strange son of the local doctor, none of it mattered because she wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her tiny fingers into my hair as she sob into my shoulder and just like that, for the first time in my existence I was holding my mate.

"Ssh, Love, ssh, it's okay," I breathed into her hair, and she clutched mine tighter in response, "Talk to me, tell me how to fix it," I begged.

"You already have," she whispered through her tears.

"I don't understand, Bella," I murmured, her breathing stuttered and she pushed out a long sigh.

"I dreamed of you, for months I dreamed of you. . .of us, of our lives together, of your family. . . of how we met at school. . .and you and my. . .blood. . . of our meadow and you in the sunlight and our first kiss. . .of the first 'I love yous' and we were together and then. . .then you just left, for months, you were just. . .gone and I was broken, so broken. . .and I had to go to the. . .volturi with Alice to get.. .you because you. . .and then you were back and it was. . .perfect. . .and the wedding was so beautiful. . .and Isle Esme. . .and we made love, and then Renesmee was here and I was. . .like you and then the dreams just stopped. . .and I thought you weren't real. . .you were gone again, and then I get here and Carlisle was there and then I could smell you. . .and the electricity was there. . .and you touched me. . .and you were there, but your eyes, they were _gold. . ._gold not _black_. . .and I didn't understand and then you called me. . .Love. . .and. . .and. . .oh God."

She was hysterical by this point and if it wasn't for my vampire hearing I wouldn't have picked up half of the things she had said, not only was she hysterical, she was talking is stilted sentences and her voice was muffled against my shoulder, but I _had_ heard every word she had said and some of the ones that she hadn't!

While she continued her heartbreaking sobs and I rocked her in my arms, shushing her quietly, my mind had gone into overdrive trying to process what it was she had told me. Her dreams were obviously some kind of premonition, that much I could fathom, to what degree only time would tell, but from what I picked up, some of what she had seen had changed already, the question was why? The fact that she was gifted shouldn't shock me, I'm one of three gifted vampires in my family alone and there many, many more of us out there, but it did and I wanted to laugh at myself because hadn't _I_. . .well _Alice_. . .seen _her_ coming? What was so strange about Bella seeing me too? But Bella was _human_ and such latent talent was almost unheard of.

Some of what she had said had bothered me a great deal, my leaving her for one. Why on earth would I _ever _leave her? I wouldn't it was as simple as that! Then the fact that Alice had taken her to the Volturi? She must have been out of her _fucking_ mind! What ever the reason was I had gone there, and I could take a pretty good guess. . .though unless Bella was no longer on this earth I would have no reason to try and kill myself. . .Alice had _no right_ to endanger _my_ mate like that.

I realised suddenly, that I was focusing on the hypothetical, when what I should be focusing on was Bella, my love, my mate, here in my arms right now and she _knew_, she knew everything and she was still here, in my arms holding onto me for dear life.

"Bella, Love, ssh, it's gonna be okay, I'm here, I've got you," I reassured her.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, Edward, you probably think I've lost my mind," she stuttered, and to my dismay she uncurled her hands from my hair and pulled away from me. She didn't look up at me either, her eye's were trained on my shirt and I heard her groan.

"What's wrong," I asked.

"You're shirt, I'm sor. . ."

"No, Bella, no more apologies," I cut her off, "Please don't say sorry for things that don't matter, all I care about right now is you, and that you're okay."

"I'm okay, it's just. . ." she halted.

"Just what, Love?" I encouraged.

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"No, I don't think you're crazy, but I _do_ think that there is a lot we need to talk about," That was an understatement.

Bella sat back against the couch and nodded, she was scared, I could see that, but I didn't think that she was afraid of me, the simple fact that she had been in my arms moments ago was testament to that but to be honest I was a little afraid myself. Not wanting to crowd her too much, but not wanting to be too far away from her, I rose from my position at her feet and moved to sit beside her on the couch.

"How much do you know about me, Bella? From what you were saying, you know more than the average hu. . .person," I quickly corrected myself, from what she had said I would be willing to bet my life that she knew what I was, but there was always a chance that she didn't.

"Everything, I think," she murmured.

"You think?" I questioned.

"The dreams were so detailed, but things are happening differently than what they did. . .than what I saw, so I don't know how much of what I _think_ I know is real." she explained.

"Well why don't you tell me the basics of what you think you know, and we can take it from there," I suggested.

"Okay, um," She hesitated, taking a deep breath before she began, "Well your name is Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you were born on July 20th 1901 in Chicago, your birth parents were Elizabeth and Edward Masen. You were dying of the Spanish Influenza in 1918 when you mother begged Carlisle to save you just before she died, your father had been lost in the first round of the disease. You were the first one Carlisle sired, next was Esme, then Rosalie, then Emmett. Jasper and Alice came to your family later. Alice had seen Jasper and then Carlisle in a vision after she was changed and set out to find you all." She stopped here and looked at me hesitantly, wondering whether to go on, no doubt. Once again she had shocked me, If this was just her basic knowledge then I was both dreading and anticipating hearing everything she knew.

"Do you know how Alice's visions work?" I asked. She nodded, so I continued, "What you've told me _is_ real, my best guess of what is going on is that your dreams work something like Alice's visions, in that the visions are not definite, with Alice when someone makes a different decision, the vision changes, but for some reason yours didn't." I tried to explain. Carlisle would have a field day with this.

"I only ever dreamt each thing once it was like watching a movie of the next two years of my life," she whispered.

"Two _years?" _I questioned, shocked once again, if this was a latent ability she would make Alice look like a fairground gipsy.

"Yeah, two years!" she nodded softly and a fresh tear slipped from her eye which I quickly wiped away.

"And you remember it all? Each of your dreams?" I asked hopefully. If Bella wanted me I would be with her always and we would make our own future together, but from the sounds of things not all of what she had dreamt had been good, and there was no way in hell I wanted her anywhere near the Volturi so if she could recall what had brought that about I was more then ready to listen.

"Yes, but I also have them written down, I wrote in my journal every morning. You can read them if you like but I think there are some things that I will need to explain before you do."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Edward sat patiently beside me waiting for me to get straight what I needed to tell him. It would be so much easier on _me_ if I just sent him away with my journals and told him to come back – if he wanted to – when he had finished reading them. But if I knew anything, I knew that Edward was a masochist, and if he though that for one minute that my life would be better without him in it, he would leave before he thought I could form an attachment to him, he didn't know that it was already to late for that. But more importantly I feared what was written would hurt _him_ and I would rather live a lifetime in the burning hell of transformation than ever cause Edward a moment of pain.

I looked at him now, so beautiful and perfect, his breathing deep and even, his golden eyes locked on me with such tenderness that I _knew_ what had changed.

"Alice did see me didn't she?" I asked him, it was more than a statement than a question but I awaited his answer regardless.

"Yes, three and a half months ago, she saw you," His eyes flashed with pain and he lowered his head when he answered and I let out a shot humourless laugh and shook my head softly.

"Would I be right in guessing she saw you killing me?" I whispered. He eyes shot to mine again, riddled with confusion and I could almost hear the question he wanted to ask. . ._How did you know? _"She saw the same vision in my dream, it just came a little later, after my first day in school. I was your biology partner, I though you hated me, you glared at me throughout the lesson, your eyes pitch black and deadly, I didn't know at the time how accurate I was on that thought. At the end of the lesson, you practically ran from the room, and I didn't see you for a week, after a small interlude in the office that is," I laughed again.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he said desperately, and it was now my turn to comfort him.

"No, Edward, ssh, it wasn't your fault," I told him and reached over to grip his hand in mine. "If Alice saw you killing me then I'm guessing I'm still your _singer_, how are you able to be so close to me?"

"Alice again, with the help of Carlisle, Esme and Jasper. I was in Alaska with Emmett and Rose," And _Tanya_ I thought, "When, I returned Carlisle met me in the meadow, the one your mentioned before I think, and explained that Alice and seen my m. . .you in a vision." He stuttered over the last part so I filled in what he didn't say.

"Your mate," I said quietly. He looked up at me and smiled his heart stopping crooked smile, and I all but melted.

"I was so hopeful at first, Bella," he continued after giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "The way Carlisle had broached the subject was genius on his part, and I was ready to jump on a plane to Phoenix to watch over you, keep you safe until you could be here by my side. But then he told me what Alice had seen and I thought my life for over, for how could I ever be close to you, when the one thing I needed to keep you safe from was _me,_" he shuddered and shook his head, no doubt trying to shake away the horror the memory brought with it. "But then Alice strikes again. Please understand that she and Carlisle did this for me, for us, and no malice was intended," He pleaded and my curiosity was spiked, W_hat could they have done that was so bad? _

"The leaflet you received, the one on anaemia," He started, but before he could continue a bubble of laughter burst from within me.

"She took my blood," I laughed, "Now _that_ was genius," I shook my head still laughing lightly. O_nly Alice! _I thought to myself.

"You're not mad?" Edward asked incredulously.

"No, Edward, I'm not mad, why would I be mad about something that helped you? How did you react to it? I can't imagine it would have been easy, harder even than what you went through in my dream I would have thought." I told him honestly

"You're amazing, do you know that?" he smiled and I think I stopped breathing for a moment.

Edward spent the rest of the afternoon telling me what he had gone through, he went back first of all to the day in the meadow with Carlisle and I made a mental note to get Carlisle something nice to say thank you for being able to drum in to Edwards think scull, in a matter of hours, what it had taken me two years to make him understand. . .he would _never_ hurt me.

Before I had chance to get to telling Edward the things I needed to before he read the journals, he stiffened slightly and his eyes flicked towards the door.

"Charlie?" I guessed. He nodded and moved away from me slightly but didn't let go of my hand, I hadn't realised that we had moved so close to each other.

"He'll be here any moment," he told me quietly and I could tell that he wanted to leave about as much as I wanted him to go. . .not at all!

"Will you come back later?" I asked hesitantly, "I will leave my window open, I still have some things to tell you before I can give you my journals." He hesitated a moment, no doubt having an internal debate with his 20th century morals.

"I'll be back, what time?" he asked.

"Eight?"

"Eight it is," he smiled

Just as we both stood from the couch, the front door opened and I could see Charlie as he shook the rain from his hair, I hadn't even noticed that it was raining. Edward let go of my hand after giving it a gentle squeeze, and I felt the loss of his touch right down to my bones.

"Bells, you here?" Charlie called.

"We're in the lounge dad," I called back, this wasn't really how I wanted my dad to meet my vampire mate, but hey, these things happen!

"Oh," he stated as he walked into the room and spotted Edward and I stood there.

"Dad, this is Edward Cullen, Doctor Cullen's youngest son, Edward this is my dad, Charlie," I emphasised the word youngest, hoping to avoid the uncomfortable conversation from my dream and preying that _this_ time Charlie and Edward could get along.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Chief Swan," Edward offered polity and I cringed slightly when he offered his hand to Charlie, surely my dad would question why it was so cold, we had been indoors for hours.

"You too, Edward. Thank you for bringing Bella home," Charlie told him, shaking his offered hand. . .without flinching, though I noted Edward cringe slightly and flex his hand when Charlie released it. I wanted to role my eyes at both of them, Charlie for attempting to intimidate Edward, and Edward for him playing up to it more than was strictly necessary. "How are you feeling, Bella, sorry I had to leave kiddo,"

"I'm fine now, just a little headache that I'm sure a couple of Tylnol will cure," I saw Edwards frown out if the corner of my eye and this time I didn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. _Over protective vampire!_

"Right, good, I'll um, get your bags out of the car," Charlie stated awkwardly as he turned back to the door, rubbing the back of his neck, "Hey, did you see your truck?" he asked spinning back round to face us.

"Yeah, I did," I lied, I'd been too engrossed in looking at Edward to notice and now I felt extremely ungrateful, "It looks great dad, thanks" I told him not wanting to hurt his feelings. Thankfully I already knew my truck inside and out.

"Good, good," he mumbled before turning back to the door.

"I'm just on my way out, Chief, I'll give you a hand," Edward offered politely and followed Charlie to the door. I shot after them quickly not yet feeling comfortable leaving them alone together.

As I made my way outside into the light mist that was falling I saw Edward steal a glance at my truck out of the corner of his eye and I didn't miss the slight grimace that marred his perfect face. It took all I had in me not to laugh and I wondered how long it would be before I would be driving around quite, peaceful, safe, Forks in a missile proof car.

Charlie had already pulled both of my cases out of the car and before he could protest, Edward picked up what I knew was the heavier of the two, his superior acting skills coming into play when he appeared to struggle slightly under the weight, when I knew that he could lift the whole cruiser with the bags and Charlie and I still inside without even breaking a sweat. . .so to speak. I was touched though that he would do this for Charlie. Edward winked at me as he followed Charlie into the house and for the first time in my life I think I swooned.

They came back down quickly, no doubt Charlie had a problem with a _boy_ being in my room, and I was still stood outside in the rain, trying to bring my heart rate and breathing back under control. If the look of smug satisfaction on Edwards face was anything to go by, he knew exactly what he did to me.

Charlie had stayed inside and we were obviously out of his view, as when Edward approached me he took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips for a gently kiss, and my heart, that I had just managed to calm down, took off again at full speed. He smirked again as he turned my hand and ran his nose softly against the pulse point of my wrist causing a shiver to run through me.

"Savouring the bouquet, whist resisting the wine," I whispered. He looked up at me then, his heart stopping smile still in place.

"You read my mind," he chuckled, enjoying his own joke.

"Um," I mumbled incoherently.

"I'll see you later, Love," he whispered releasing my hand, I think I may have whimpered in protest. Sighing quietly he ran his finger down my blushing cheek and gently pressed his lips to my forehead. "Breath, my Bella," he said quietly after a moment, his voice was husky and seductive and did nothing for my light headedness. He laughed, "I see I'll have to be more careful with you than I though," My eyes, that I hadn't realised were closed, flew open and I took a ragged breath.

"No!" I protested "I'm fine, honestly."

"I should go,Charlie is wondering what is taking you so long and is thinking of coming to check on us, I'll see you at eight," He stepped away from me and I could feel a tugging in the core of my body trying to pull him back. With one last warm smile he turned and climed into his Volvo. "Go inside, Bella, before you catch a cold," he told me before he closed his door. As if I was set to obey his every command, my legs moved and before he pulled away I found myself just inside the doorway.

Charlie was in the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge when I made my way fully inside the house, I'd already looked at the meagre offerings it held when I had escaped Edwards contemplation of my childhood photographs and knew that we would be having take out tonight. As if he had read my thoughts, Charlie looked over the fridge door and grimaced apologetically.

"I didn't think to shop, is pizza okay tonight?" he asked guiltily.

"Pizza fine, dad," I laughed, "I'll go shopping after school tomorrow and take over the cooking if you like,"

"You don't have to do that, Bells," he protested.

"No, really, I did it in Phoenix, I enjoy cooking, so really I don't mind," I promised, I did like cooking and if I was truthful I knew Charlie couldn't cook if his life depended on it, and I suppose it did. That gave me an idea. "You know dad, although I'm really glad to be here and will be for the next couple of years, I won't be here forever, maybe it's time you learned to cook. On your days off we could cook together, it would be a great way for us to spend some time together and you won't have to live off take out again when I go off to collage." Charlie's eyes lit up and I smiled in response.

"Sure, Bells, sounds good." he nodded closing the fridge.

"Great. Do you mind if I go unpack my things?" I asked.

"No, you go head, there's a game on. I'll order pizza and give you a shout when it gets here."

"Thanks, dad," I smiled and after giving his a quick peck on the cheek,no doubt shocking the life out of him, I hurried up to my room.

I didn't have a lot to unpack, just the two suitcases I had brought and a few boxes that I had shipped a few weeks ago containing my books, CD's a few personal items and, of course, my old essays that I had wished for in my dream. Unlike in my dream, I had packed up my life when I left Phoenix, leaving nothing behind. I knew this time that I would be making a permanent move to Forks, even if Edward hadn't of been here.

I stopped and sat back leaning again my bed, the box of books I was unpacking still resting by my feet and let that through sink in. Edward was here, _he was real! _I shook my head, it all just seemed too good to be true. I wouldn't fight with him, as I had in my dream, on the subject of me being changed, but I would make my feelings known and hopefully after he had read my journals and knew about Renesmee and how I loved being just like him, he would come around to my way of thinking.

I sighed, picturing our beautiful daughter. I missed her just as much as I had missed Edward, but she _wasn't _real. I knew enough about biology to know that the chances of us having her were slim to none. Yes if we were to get married on August 13th nineteen months from now, my body would be producing the same egg as it was then, but the chances of the same part of Edward meeting that egg were billions to one. I didn't know if Edward masturbated – _although I would love to find out_, I thought as a tingle shot through my body – but if he did, then just doing it once more – or once less – then he had in my dream world would throw everything out, surely. I didn't weigh in the factor that we would have sex before we married, that was one more pressure that I wouldn't put on him. He would want to keep our virtue in tact and I wouldn't make things _harder_ for him. Ha harder. _Really mature, Bella,_ I scolded myself.

Thinking about Nessie brought my thoughts to another person I had been avoiding thinking about – Jake. Yes in my dreams I had become ridiculously attached to him, but in reality for some reason I had not. He wasn't constantly in my thoughts, I didn't pine for him, yes I would have liked to be friends with him, but I think that it would be best for everyone if I just stayed away. The tribe could say nothing about my transformation, the treaty stated that the Cullen's couldn't_ bite_ a human, they had left a gaping loop hole with that one, a syringe or two of Edwards venom would cure that problem and the tribe could do nothing about it. It was none of their business anyway, who were they to tell me how I could live my life? If we could manage to keep away from Victoria, James and Laurent, not nearly as many of the boys would change and they wouldn't be enough of them to wage a war against the Cullen's anyway. But if they did I knew where my loyalties would lie.

If Jake didn't change and/or we didn't have Nessie, then he would never meet his imprint, but maybe that was a good thing, he would then be free to choose who he wanted to love, just like he had wanted to, and this time it wouldn't be me.

Pushing thoughts of everyone – except Edward of course – out of my mind, I continued to unpack my life. I wasn't finished when Charlie called me down for dinner, so I left the clothes I had scattered on my bed and made my way down stairs. Charlie and I sat together, munching on Pizza and watching the Seahawks game that was playing, I was trying to take in as much of the game as I could, asking question now and again, hoping to find an additional past time that I could spend with Charlie – not too often though, when he – to my surprise – brought up Edward.

"So, the Cullen kid seems nice," he mentioned casually.

"Yeah, _Edward _seems really nice" I understated, "Doctor Cullen was nice too,"

"He's a great guy, could work anywhere in the world, but his wife wanted to live in a small town, I was worried when they first moved here, having all those teenagers, but I've never had a ounce of trouble from any of them, that's more that I can say for the kids that have lived here all their lives, you could do worse than being friends with the Cullen's," he stated passionately.

"I'm glad to hear it, Edward promised to introduce me to his family tomorrow at school,"

"Good, good," he mumbled then turned back to the screen.

I stayed downstairs until just after seven, I needed to finish putting everything away before Edward arrived. After saying an early goodnight to my dad and clearing up the pizza box, napkins and glasses, I headed back up to my room.

Upon opening the door I froze, the whole room was spotless, the clothes I had left scattered across my bed and the boxes that were empty in the middle of my room were gone, my twinkle lights had been hung above my bed and single red rose was laying across my pillow. Tears stung the corner of my eyes and I slowly made my way over to my bed and picked up the thorn-less rose and brought it to my nose.

A note was folded beneath it, but the elegant hand that had penned my name, didn't belong to Edward. I picked it up and unfolded it, already having my suspicions.

_Bella,_

_Welcome home!_

_I hope you don't mind, but I thought that you would like a little help organizing your wardrobe. It's all colour and occasion co-ordinated please try to not mess it up!_

_See you tomorrow_

_Love _

_Alice_

_p.s. The rose is from Edward, don't keep him out too late, he has school tomorrow! ;0)_

_p.p.s Your PJ's are in your second draw._

I laughed, wiping the tears from my eyes, trust Alice to do something like this! To be honest I couldn't be more grateful and I hoped she knew it. I would have to thank her tomorrow, this would give me a chance to have a shower before Edward arrived.

I quickly grabbed my toiletry bag off my desk and pulled open the second draw in my dresser. A smile lit up my face and I shook my head. _I should have known! _I knew there would be no point rummaging through the piles of multi-coloured silk, satin, cotton and lace, for my holey sweats and t-shirt – not that I would have done, I was planning on wearing the pj's my mom had gotten me from Victoria's Secret – I knew they wouldn't be there, I honestly doubted that any of the things I had brought with me from Phoenix would be.

Alice had been shopping!


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again. **

**Well this one has got a bit of everything, I hope you enjoy it, it was hard to write and first and this is my second attempt, let me know what you think.**

**Thank you to all of those who have left reviews, you keep me writing and I really love to hear what you think.**

**A question for you. I am thinking of making Edward a little – shall we say _naughtier_ in this than he was in TTS – ok maybe a lot naughtier – my logic is that 1. he is more sure of himself, 2. that because he isn't so worried about hurting her, he is allowing his vampire nature out a little bit more, letting it have more of a voice, 3. If he could suck James' venom out of Bella, couldn't he _mark_ her with his own and suck that venom out?**

**Would love to know your thoughts on this!**

Chapter 9

"And in he rode in his shiny silver Volvo to rescue the fair princess from the head cracking Formica desk and they lived happily ever, ever, ever, ever after. Oh hey Eddie, didn't see you there, you just missed a _cracking _story," I shook my head and laughed, the gnawing ache in my gut, that had been getting increasingly more painful the further away from Bella I drove, eased somewhat as I walked into the lounge to join my family, but that didn't stop me from glancing at the clock that stood on the mantle piece, it was three fifty six, I still had four hours and four minutes until I could see her again.

Sighing quietly to myself, I sat on my piano bench facing the five eager and one disinterested members of my family. Ignoring Rosalie and her self centred attitude I focused my attention on the others.

"How long did it take you to come up with that one?" I asked Emmett, he shrugged but I saw all of his other opening lines run trough his head and laughed again.

"How is Bella?" Carlisle asked. Alice was seated near him vibrating with excitement and I glanced at her.

_I've not told them anything, but I am so excited for you, brother, _Alice told me, I was surprised that she had been able to keep any of this to herself, but not that she had been watching for todays outcome. I nodded, letting her know that I appreciated that. Alice didn't have a resentful bone in her body, but I had wondered how she would react to knowing that Bella was in possession of a gift similar to her own, but she was just grateful that if Bella was turned, some of the pressure of watching out for the family would be taken of her tiny shoulders and curious to know what Bella had seen that she hadn't.

"She's fine, just a slight headache," I grimaced, I hated that she was hurt, even if it was only minor. The fragile humanity of my mate almost drove me to distraction.

"That's good to know, I would have liked for her to stay in the hospital a little longer, but I had no doubts she would be in good hands, Doctor Cullen, " he laughed. I may never have practised medicine but two medical degrees and a lifetime in Carlisle's head and I may as well have and if you take into consideration my degrees in astrophysics, engineering, psychology, law and music, then yeah, I was a Dr. rather than a Mr.

"So how did it go? You were with her quite a while," Esme asked and I had no idea where to begin, Bella and I had discussed so much this afternoon that I was still trying to process it all myself.

"We had a lot to talk about, did Carlisle tell you what happened at the hospital?" I looked at him and he nodded, I was grateful that he had paved the way for me. "Right. Well I suppose the easiest thing to tell you is that she is defiantly my mate," I smiled, remembering the way my whole reason for existing had sifted the moment I saw her lying in that hospital bed, the touch of her skin, the feel of her small body wrapped up in my arms, the way she had clung to me.

"That's wonderful, Edward, I am so happy for you, you've been alone too long," Esme beamed.

"Thank you," I told her sincerely, "So we talked, she was upset at first, but she's amazing, she knows about us. . " Before I could continue, Rose shot up from her seat and had her face almost pressed against mine.

"You fucking idiot, you all might _think_ that this _human_ is your mate, but so help me God, if she breathes a word of this to anybody. . .I'll kill her myself," before she could blink I had her thrown up against the wall, plaster rained down around us, it was a load bearing wall and the house trembled with the force of it.

"Say that again, Rose, I dare you!" I hissed dangerously, the monster in me that I kept securely locked away, broke through his cage in defence of his mate and the growl that rumbled in my chest was so loud in the suddenly silent room that it almost echoed off the walls. It had all happened so quickly that everyone was still frozen in place, unable to react fast enough. My hands were still wrapped tightly around her throat and my teeth were bared, but Rosalie's anger and jealousy were making her stupid.

"I said I'll. . ." she began through clenched teeth, but she didn't get to finish. Before either of us could react, Jasper and Carlisle had grabbed hold of my arms and yanked me backwards, the growl in my chest, loosing it's volume under the force of the blanket of calm that Jasper was sending out in waves, and Emmett and Alice had grabbed Rose, Emmett's hand clasped tightly over her mouth.

I wanted to burn in the anger I was feeling, and rip her conceited head of her shoulders, but Jasper was preventing it, holding us both at bay. Esme stood to the side, and unaffected by Jasper's gift that was focused solely on Rose and I, she was seething.

"I am _disgusted_ with you, Rosalie, after everything that Edward has done for you over the years and this is how you treat him, I always knew that you were bitter about what had happened to you but I never realised that you could be so heartless and. . and, cold and so devoid of humanity. Emmett get your _wife_ out of _my_ house before you find yourself a widower." Emmett's mind was reeling, his protective instincts had kicked in the moment he had regained his senses, but he was so thoroughly disgusted with her that he complied with Esme's demand without hesitation.

_I'll take her up to Denali, give her time to calm down, _he told me, I nodded, but to be honest I really didn't care if he buried her at the bottom of the Challenger Deep*. Wordlessly he dragged her out of the house and I stopped paying attention to either of them.

"You okay, Ed?" Jasper asked, I shrugged one arm and he and Carlisle released me and stood a short distance away. I sat down against the wall and put my head in my hands. All of the elation that I had been feeling had ebbed away, I knew that Rose wasn't happy about my mate being human, and over the past few months she had made her feeling perfectly clear – or so I thought – because I never would have guessed that she could be so. . .jealous. There was no love lost between us, everybody knew that, but I thought that she could be at least marginally happy for me, indifferent would have been better than this.

Esme crouched down beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, it was comforting, but hers weren't the arms that I wanted.

"I'm going for a run," I told them, standing up out of Esme's embrace. I smiled at her slightly and squeezed her hand to ease the blow, "Alice, can you fill everyone in on what happened?" I asked, I didn't have it in me to talk about it all now, I needed to be alone, "I'm going back to Bella later, but I'll see you before school tomorrow." Alice nodded and I shot her a grateful look before I walked out of the house.

My feet hadn't hit the stones of the driveway before I took off running, the misty rain that was falling earlier had eased off but the wind had picked up and the clouds still heavy with the threat of rain but I paid them no mind and shot off into the forest that surrounded our home. Out from under Jaspers influence, my anger and hatred returned with a vengeance, any brotherly regard I had ever held for that bitch had evaporated. Nothing and nobody would _ever_ threaten my mate. I would destroy every member of my family, no matter how much I loved them or how many lifetimes I had spent with them, if they ever even _though_ of harming a hair on her head.

For the time being the man in me had handed over the reigns to the monster, the one that had been so desperate to end Bella's life three months ago, now raged in fury at the threat to her life, he wanted to hunt and destroy anyone that posed a threat to her. She was _his_ mate as much, if not more than, the man in me. He was after all the keeper of my baser instincts the vampire in me that now demanded that I make her mine, change her, mark her, claim her, protect her.

I was halfway to Canada before either of us realised that we were running in the wrong direction, I was unconsciously going after the threat to my mate when I should have been running to protect her. Deep groves marked the spot when I ground to a holt and spun and sped back in the direction of Forks.

The trees that I had unknowingly torn from the ground in my fury littered my path home, it looked as if a tornado had passed through, but I knew that if there was any danger of it being spotted and questioned, Alice would see it and make it right before it could cause any problems for us. So aside from a small bout of surprise that I had caused this damage without realising, I ignored the damage and continued running.

Bella's house came into view and I breathed a sigh of relief, I could hear the steady _thump, thump, thump, _of her heart, that was already so familiar to me, from the lower level and the background noise from the TV. She was taking to her dad about the Seahawks game that they were apparently watching, and I had to laugh at the amusement in the Chief thoughts. As usual I couldn't quite grasp his actual thoughts, but the tenner of the emotions were there. One train of through that I wasn't expecting – although maybe I should have been – entered my mind.

_I'm just helping her out, her choice of clothing is dismal, Edward, how a girl can survive with so little choice is beyond me! _

I climbed the tree below Bella's window and climbed thought. Alice was spinning round the room like a whirlwind. New clothing was being hung and categorised, older clothing was being placed in the empty boxes that were stood at the bottom of her bed, Lights that hadn't been their earlier when I had dropped her suitcase in her room, were now hung above the bed and the long stem red rose that I had picked up from the florist on my way home was placed on her pillow. Picking it up, I ran my finger and thumb down the stem, catching the thorns that fell off in the palm of my hand. I placed the rose back on her pillow and tossed the thorns out of the window.

"I found it in your car," Alice shrugged.

"Hello, Alice," I greeted belatedly.

"How are feeling? I'm sorry about Rose, she'll calm down, Emmett with set her straight," she told me quietly.

"Not great," _I feel better when I have Bella in my arms where I know she's safe, _I thought to myself. "Did you tell everyone what happened today?" I asked, completely ignoring the comment about Rose as I sat on the rocking chair that was placed beneath the widow and watched Alice work.

"Yeah, I'm surprised that Carlisle isn't already here with his medical bag and microscope," she laughed, "They were obviously surprised, but took the news well, Esme is thrilled that it's one less hurdle that you have to jump. It will be interesting to find out what she knows,"

"Yeah. Are you sure you should be doing this?" I asked glancing around the room. The bags that the clothing and shoes had come in were still scattered about, these purchases couldn't have been recent, the closest stores that stocked most of the designer brands that marked the bags were in Seattle, and some probably as far away as LA or New York.

"It'll be fine, trust me," she tapped her temple and winked at me. "Bella will be back up in two minutes, leave and let the poor girl shower and change before you accost her," she told me, "You can help me take these boxes out to the car," shoving two of the boxes into my arms she scooped up the remainder of the bags and jumped out of the window. I followed suit trailing behind her to my Volvo that was parked around the corner.

"I'll not watch tonight, I think that what needs to be said should be between the two of you, but if you need to talk about any of it, you know that I'm here," Alice told me as she squeezed my hand. We had already placed the boxes in the trunk so I pulled Alice into a hug and kissed the top of her spiky head.

"Thanks, Pix. None of this would be possible without you," I whispered.

"You know we'd all do anything for you, Edward. This is the beginning for you, savour it, enjoy it and never take it for granted. Let the rest of us worry about Rose, you only get to do this once, fall in love once, and this is the exciting time, when you're experimenting with the mating bond, nurturing it, growing it getting to know each other. It's also the hardest time, I remember Jasper going through it, it's easier on us woman, we don't have to contend with the possessiveness and the protectiveness and the need to claim and all of the other stuff that you cavemen do, so you just focus of dealing with that, and loving Bella, and leave the rest to us, okay," Alice smiled up at me and I realised just how lucky I was to have her support, and that of the others. Rose could go to hell.

"Love you, pix,"

"Love you too, now go enjoy yourself," she patter my face and climbed into the car.

When I approached the house again, I could hear the shower running and the pitter patter of the water droplets as they hit the tiles, the tub and bare skin, each one making a slightly different sound. I wanted nothing more in that moment that to strip down and join her, I knew that I couldn't but oh, how I wanted to, and I promised myself that I would. . .one day. . .soon!

I took up my seat on the rocking chair again and waited, I'd closed the window and the curtains to prevent her from catching a chill, when I looked around the room, I noticed that the rose now stood in a small vase on her bedside table and I smiled.

The shower shut off and I could hear my love shuffling around the bathroom, the scraping of the towel against her soft skin, the rustle of fabric, the squeaking of the brush that she pulled through her wet hair. Arousal spiked through me and I groaned quietly as my jeans became uncomfortable and I rubbed my hand against my length trying to ease the pain, it didn't help, it just added to my longing for a much warmer touch, one that I knew would burn against my cold skin. I honestly didn't know how long I would be able to still the beast, stop him from claiming what was his.

The water from the tap shut off and I heard the distinctive sound of plastic hitting glass, she'd brushed her teeth and now she was moving. The lock on the door clicked and the hinges squeaked, she stepped into the hall way and I quickly pulled my shirt over my obvious erection just in time for her to walk into the room.

"Edward!" she whispered, her eyes bright, her smile wide and her heartbeat hammering in her chest, but I was frozen in my seat, if I thought I was aroused before it was nothing to how I was feeling now.

There she stood, the love of my life, looking more beautiful and enchanting and down right sexy than was strictly legal, her long brown hair was damp and wavy and it hung over her shoulders, stopping at the centre of her breast, the light pink silk long bottoms and camisole top hugged her curves and highlighted the blush that had spread from her cheeks to her chest and I couldn't stop myself, every ounce of the gentleman in me evaporated and before she could take another step I had her in my arms, one hand at the base of her back, the other buried in her hair at the nape of her neck, angling her face up to mine.

"Edw. . ." she didn't get to finish what she was going to say before my lips had descended onto hers. Fire shot through my whole body at the first contact, her lips were warm, soft and oh so pliable under mine. She froze for a split second before responding with vigour, pushing her tiny hands into my hair and pulling me too her tighter. The kiss wasn't as gentle as maybe it should have been, but I didn't have it in me to care, I knew I wouldn't hurt her and that was all that mattered. My lips parted and I ran my tongue over hers savouring her taste and begging for entrance, Bella complied willingly and opened her mouth up to mine, meeting my tongue with her own, I couldn't allow her near my teeth and I think she understood as she didn't fight me when I pushed her tongue back into her mouth with mine, there was no fight for dominance, she wouldn't have stood a chance if she tried, she submitted to me allowing me free reign to explore.

A scent so mouth watering, so intoxicating, filled the space around us and desire shot through me anew, lowering my hand from the small of her back, I placed it just under her bottom and lifted her up off her feet, she instantly wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed her hot wet core against my aching arousal. It was ecstasy and agony in one and I walked forward and pinned her against the wall, grinding myself into her heat. Our lips hadn't separated for a moment, I could feel her hot ragged breathing where her nose almost met my cheek and I knew that she would need to draw more breath, so moved my lips to her neck, sucking lightly on her pounding pulse point.

"Oh God, Edward," she moaned grinding harder against me and elongating her neck and I wanted her, _needed_ her. . Now. I didn't care that we had only known each other for a matter of hours, she knew me and _I_ was programmed to need her.

Removing my hand from behind her head I reach down and ripped down either side of her bottoms, faster that she could even realise I had moved. The silk fluttered to the floor and the room was filled with the fresh scent of her arousal, she wore no panties beneath them and loss of that one layer was my undoing. Pushing my hand between us to release myself from my jeans, I could feel how hot and wet she really was, she wanted this as much as I did.

I don't know weather it was the coldness of my touch at her heated core, the sound of the zipper coming down or just reality sinking in, but she suddenly froze and pushed her hands against my shoulder.

"Edward, wait, stop, please," she begged, she couldn't have pushed me away herself, but I was so in tune with her, so protective of her, even if it was me I was protecting her from, that I stopped instantly and moved my head away from her neck. Her face was flushed, her heart racing, her eyes dilated with arousal and her breathing ragged, "Edward, we can't," she whispered.

Rejection shot through me like the blade of a knife, sharp and painful and I pulled back from her further and placed her feet on the floor. Spotting her dressing gown on the back of her door I reached over and handed it to her, my eyes pinned to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I just. . .you just. . .and. . " I was unable to form words as shame for my behaviour and rejection at hers lodged them in my throat.

"Edward, look at me please," she begged, her small hand coming up to cup my face. I dragged my eyes to hers, she was so very beautiful, her lips were bruised and swollen and her face still flushed and I pulled her into my arms and buried my face in her hair.

"I'm sorry," I choked out, the thought that my mate was rejecting me, that her human emotions were not capable of the love I needed from her had crossed my mind and was tearing me apart.

"Edward, sweetheart, please don't. God I want you, I wish that you could read my mind and know just how much I do," She pulled and my hand and lead me to the bed, where I sat and placed my face in my hands, I couldn't look at her.

"Sweetheart, please look at me," she begged, and I couldn't not comply. Her eyes were now filled with tears as she reached over and cupped my face. "I love you so much, Edward. These past three months have been heaven and hell rolled into one. I got to spend every night with you but when morning came and you were gone, it was heartbreaking. We made love so many times in my dreams and each and every time was better than the last. If I could spend the rest of forever, from here on out, making love to you, I would. But there are things you don't know," If my heart still beat it would be fighting to get out of my chest, her love for me was radiated off her. It was the first time she had said it out right and the sting of rejection receded.

"I love you too, Bella, so much," I reached for her hand that was still resting on my face and brought her palm to my lips. "I don't know what came over me, I shouldn't have treated you like that," I began.

"Ssh, Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong and I loved every minute of it. If I'd known you were real and that you were here and that you would behave like that, I would have planned for it, taken precautions so that I wouldn't have had to stop you. Ha," she laughed, "You have no idea how ironic this is," she shuffled back on the bed, her back against the headboard and beaconed me to join her, which I did gladly. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her so that her head was resting against my chest.

"Go on, love," I encouraged.

"In my dream, you always kept a safe distance, you were always so afraid of hurting me, it wasn't until our honeymoon that we made love for the first time, and then it was under some duress. It's a long story, that I will let you read about, but when you do, please know that any worry and fear I had then about the wedding are none existent now." She squeezed my hand and looked up at me, "I mentioned Renesmee earlier I think," she questioned

"You did," The name wasn't something that I had focused or even thought about at the time, but now that she had mentioned her again I wondered who she was.

"She was so beautiful, she had bronze ringlets and big brown eyes. She was so intelligent and warm her heart rate was faster then a humans, and her body temperature higher. She was gifted too, it seemed to be a combination of her parents gifts, her birth parents, her daddy that could read the thoughts of everyone around him and her mommy who could shield any mental attack. Renesmee could project her thoughts, even to her mommy, much to her daddy's chagrin." She wiped a tear that had fallen from her eye and I could almost see her heart breaking. Who ever this girl was she was special to Bella, I was surprised that there were more humans out there that were gifted like Bella.

"Do you know who she was, Edward?" she asked, I shook my head, waiting.

"She was our daughter, yours and mine, conceived on our honeymoon and carried for just over a month, half-human, half-vampire and completely perfect."

***The Challenger Deep is the deepest known point in the oceans, with a depth of 10,902 metres (35,768 ft) to 10,916 metres (35,814 ft) by direct measurement from submersibles, and slightly more by sonar bathymetry (see below). It is located at the southern end of the **Mariana Trench** near the **Mariana Islands** group.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi All. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Sorry for the delay in getting the out but my computer died and I had to get another one.**

**Now this was going to be an out take of alice telling the Cullens but I have a better idea for that conversation so thought that I would wait, for those of you that have requested it, I promise that you will hear Carlisle's reaction, but I am telling you no more.**

**Hope you enjoy this, it's not long but I wanted to get something out to you before m kids got back from their dads**

**So here we go!**

Chapter 10

EPOV

"Oh, Bella," I sighed, tears were still running down her cheeks, each one burning a new hole in my heart like acid. I closed my eyes to try and center myself, build up the courage to break her heart. "If I could, if it were at all possible that I could create a life with you, God, I wouldn't hesitate. I can give you the world, Bella, there is nothing I couldn't and wouldn't buy for you, nowhere I wouldn't take you, I can give you eternal life, but the one thing that you want from me, is the only thing that I can't give you! I am so, so sorry," my heart was breaking, how can I do this to her, take away her chance to be a mother, "When we change, our bodies. . ."

"Ssh, Edward, I know what you are trying to say, you told me the same in my dream, that your bodies are frozen, never aging, never changing. I female vampire can't have children because her body can't change to accommodate it, she doesn't go through a monthly cycle. But human males don't have a cycle, a man can father a child until the day he dies, there or there about, that's why when we made love for the first time, no-one thought to warn us, no-one thought that it was possible, but it is Edward, I know that it is hard to believe." She sat up and cupped my face in her hands and stared into my eyes, and I wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that it was possible, but Carlisle had been wondering the earth for almost three centuries, had lived with the Volturi for decades, if this was possible he would know.

"Bella, Love. . ." I started, but she cut me off again.

"I know it is hard to believe, there are a few others like Renesmee, Nahuel is one of them, he is part of the Amazon coven, his biological aunt Huilen was his mothers sister, and has raised him for the past one hundred and fifty years. Alice tracked them down, looking for a blind spot – she can't see the halflings, just like she can't see the wolves. . ."

"What wolves?" I demanded, this was starting to sound like a Charlene Harris novel.

"The Quileute wolves," she whispered, looking down at her hands, I froze staring at her, the wolves had died out three generations ago – or so we thought. "Look,Edward, I think at this point the best thing for you to do is read my journals, they will tell you everything you need to know, then we can talk about it tomorrow after school. But before you do, you need to know how much I love you, _only_ you, no-one has ever and will ever hold my heart, it is yours completely." she grabbed my face again, burying her tiny fingers in my hair, making me look her in the eye, "Only you, Edward," she whispered and pulled my face down to her.

Her warm lips met mine and I lost all sense of time and space as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tiny body against mine as she poured every ounce of her love for me into the passionate kiss. I followed her as she lent back on the bed, and settled myself between her legs. The dressing gown that she was wearing had parted and she was still naked underneath. It took every ounce of strength I had not to grind against her, not to take her, to make her mine, but I could do nothing to stop my wondering hand that ran up the side of her waist, over her ribs and around the curve of her breast. I swallowed her moan as my thumb brushed lightly over her nipple and then pulled back, before I lost all sense and reason, and gazed into her hooded brown eyes.

"I love you too, more then you could ever know," I told her quietly.

"I know," she whispered back, pushing my hair back out of my eyes. We stayed there, wrapped in our embrace, looking in each others eyes for a long time, until Bella's yawn snapped us out of our daze.

"You need to sleep, it's been a long day," I told her as I rolled on to the bed at the side of her, she pulled her dressing gown closed and sat up at the edge of the bed.

"You'll stay?" she asked looking over her shoulder at me.

"Of course, if you want me to," I smiled.

"Good," she nodded and rose and walked over to her draws and pulled out a clean pair of PJ's. I expected her to leave the room, but she didn't, instead she pulled on the bottoms under her dressing gown, then shed it along with her top and replaced it with the new one. She had her back to me, but the sight of it, slightly arched and completely flawless had me swallowing back my desire and my fists clenched at my sides. It only took her a moment but when she returned she was carrying four tattered books with her, obviously her journals.

"This is all of them, I'm guessing that it won't take you long to read them, if you can make out my scrawl that is," she laughed nervously, "Promise me you won't start them until I am asleep and that if you. . .you want to. . .leave" she choked out, "When you are done, you won't do so without saying. . .goodbye?" her tears were falling again and I took the books from her and placed them on her side table and pulled her into my arms.

"I don't have to read them, Love," I whispered into her hair.

"No, no, you do, I'm just so scared of loosing you when I have just found you,"

"You could never loose me, Love. I'm going nowhere without you, I promise you that. Now come, you need to sleep," I lifted her with one arm and pulled the covers back with the other before setting her down and tucking her in. She smiled at me, a watery smile, that was so full of longing and desperation that it almost broke my heart. "Sleep now, my Bella. I'll be here when you wake," I promised.

She nodded and settled her head against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her too me, humming a tune that had been rattling around in my mind for the past couple of months.

"My lullaby," she sighed, and closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. She was right, it was her lullaby, how she knew it though was a mystery to me. I eyed the journals on her bedside table and with a sigh decided to find out exactly how much she did know.

I placed the last journal down and closed my eyes. The range of emotions I had suffered in the last five hours was staggering and exhausting. The way she had written them was like reading a novel, actions, thoughts, feelings, speech, all from her prospective and most of it gut wrenching. In just five hours I have been nervous, elated, terrified, disgusted, heart broken, incredulous, dumb founded, shocked. I had laughed, cried, rejoiced and despaired. How Bella had lived through this for three months and stayed sane, how she still welcomed me with open arms, knowing better than anyone ever could, what she would face by being with me, the dangers she could endure, was beyond me.

How I could leave her, and stay away for eight months, leaving her open to the dangers that I had placed in her way was. . .there are no words. What I was thinking I will never know, leaving her to keep her safe was ridiculous, she would never been as safe as she was with me and my family, yes Jasper slipped up, but that was my fault for keeping her away from him to begin with, he should have been spending time with her, accustoming himself to her scent like I had, like he had now.

The whole heartbreaking attachment she had with Jacob could have been completely avoided, as could the volturi being aware of her. This was why she had tired to reassure me that she loved only me before going to sleep, silly girl, as if I would ever let her go, to a mangy mutt at that, not over my pile of ashes!

I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head, inhaling her scent as I did, enjoying the itch in my throat that told me she was here, safe, with me.

One thing I did notice was that the Bella I had here with me, was very different from the one I had read about, she was more open, more affectionate and she hadn't once mentioned what Alice had done in her room, with her clothes, that boded well for me. . .and Alice!

Reading about her pregnancy, and Renesmee was an eye opener, something that I would not only have to talk to Bella about, but to Carlisle as well. If it really was possible, if we could have a child together, I would grab it with both hands and run with it. We would have to be more prepared, better situated to take care of Bella, try to prevent the disaster of the first few weeks and the trauma of the birth. This was something she wanted, I knew that from our earlier conversation, so if I could give it to her I would, despite the nagging thought of protecting her from having to go through the pregnancy, the through of loosing her. No, I wouldn't loose her, we could deliver her a hell of a lot earlier then we had, maybe around the equivalent of thirty two to thirty five weeks. A human baby could survive that easily with the right care, and Renesmee was so much more resilient than a human infant. One thing I would make sure about is that Rose and Jacob, hell any of the wolves, would be as far away from them as is possible.

Bella's breathing changed and I looked down to see her hesitant warm brown eyes watching me. I smiled and ran the side of my finger down her soft cheek.

"Good morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?" I asked quietly as I shifted so that I was lay beside her facing her.

"Good morning, are you okay?" she asked quietly as her eyes shifted to the books on the bedside table.

"Never better," I whispered and lent over to push my lips softly against hers.

"Oh, thank God," she cried and threw her arms around me. I gathered her closer and let her tears fall, allowing her to release the tension that she had, no doubt, been suffering.

"Ssh, love, all is well, I'm here, I'm going nowhere," I reassured her, holding her that much tighter and softly stroking her back.

"I love you so much, Edward. I was so scared that you would be gone, that I would never see you again, I can't live without you," she sobbed.

"Oh, Bella. You don't have to live without me, I will be right here by your side until the word stops spinning, I promise you that," I replied, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. She nodded against my chest, then pulling back and smiling at me mischievously, pulled my arm from around her back and wiped her tears on my shirt sleeve. I laughed and kissed her head. "Well it's a good thing I need to go home and change before school,"

"Yeah," she laughed. "Will I be driving my truck to school?" she asked with a slight smirk

"Um, I think not," I chuckled, " I know you love your truck, but humor me, I want to drive you on your first day, it will be believable enough once people find out that you hit your head yesterday and I drove you home from the hospital, if you play on it enough you might even get out of gym," I laughed and caught the hand she was going to hit me with and kissed her palm.

"Just don't tell Emmett," she laughed, and then stopped when I didn't join her, "What wrong?" she asked.

"It's a long story, we can talk about it tonight, along with everything else, what I will say is that Rosalie and Emmett are in Alaska,"

"She doesn't want me here," she stated.

"I won't lie to you, she's not happy, but that's not really why they aren't here, I'll explain everything later, I can hear Charlie and I'm sure you'll want to see him before you go to school,"

"Okay," she nodded, and leaned in to kiss me again, it was short but very, very sweet, and then she sat up and I followed suit, pulling on my shoes, she stood before me and I pulled her between my legs, resting my head on her stomach as she ran her fingers through my hair. I lightly kissed the place where – God willing – my child would reside safe and warm and loved, in the not too distant future and looked up to see Bella wiping yet another tear from her eye.

"I'll see you later," I told her quietly as I stood up, she nodded and placed a kiss over my heart before stepping away. I smiled, nicked her chin softly with my thumb and finger and jumped out of the open window.


	11. Chapter 11

Hi all,

sorry this is not an update sorry for the delay, I am working on a book that I am attempting to get published and it has been taking up most of my free time. I promise to have an update for you in the next few days.

What I wanted to mention is that When the Dreaming Ends has been nominated for a_** Sunflower Award for the Best Vampire Story**_. If you vote and let me know I will send you each a teaser for the next couple of chapters. VOTING ENDS 6TH FEBRUARY!

The link is http:/thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

THANK YOU!


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